


Try after Try

by blackkitty9



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Allison is also a witch, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Apartment AU, Carolina is a witch, Errera, F/F, F/M, Family Issues, M/M, Magic AU, Marriage, Multi, Other, Parties, Possible babies, Post-Project Freelancer, Previous Wash/Connie, Witchcraft AU, York is kind-of alive, everyone lives au, possible future smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-05-15 21:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 21,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5800114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkitty9/pseuds/blackkitty9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to Violet and Rose Apartments, where the residents are a little... eccentric to put it nicely  and the landlord is no better. in a crumbling downtown district, the bar/apartment complex houses those who are looking to escape, to not be judged.</p><p>this is the start of their new life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i want you to be human  (Yorkalina)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Cabin Fever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5080510) by [Land_Under_Sea (ind1go_ink)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ind1go_ink/pseuds/Land_Under_Sea). 



> okay, so i'm not too sure what happened here..... i was sad because Yorkalina and then.... i kinda forget how this was made...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i still hate that i can't fix your eye"
> 
> "you were never going to be able to fix my eye."

“don’t you think it’s weird, that your parents live so close to us?”

“pshh, come on, they don’t even know that they’re my parents. to them we’re just neighbours.”

“i know, but don’t you think-”

York was cut off when Carolina pressed her lips to his “come on, York, this is supposed to be good for us. no more Project Freelancer.” she traced a thumb over his scar “just give it a try.”

he sighed, once again, defeated. “fine, but i’m allowed to send you as many goofy faces to your glasses as i want.”

she narrowed her eyes but didn’t object, both of them had kept their electronic glasses from freelancer (re-wired by York) which now served as a method of contact and GPS, not much else.

Carolina pulled down the dusty spellbook for the fourth time that day, making her white tank top lift up as she reached for it.

“ ‘lina you can’t keep doing this.”

“yes i can. you don’t understand.”

“i know i don’t, but please just-”

“you were dead for years York. you were dead and i went mad and now we’re here, okay?”

“please, ‘lina just listen won’t you-”

“I’VE HAD ENOUGH!” the spellbook passed smoothly through York’s body when she threw it at him, collapsing into the ground, clutching at the lighter that she’d taken out of her pocket.

York walked over to her, holding her, he was simply lucky that she was flesh and bone and that she hadn’t performed any magic on herself.

“it’s okay though, i’m here now. you gave me a way to live.”

“but it’s not enough.you’re not going to be the same York.”

“so? i don’t mind being different. so what if i occasionally go through walls and sometimes turn invisible? i don’t mind ‘lina. you’ve given me more than i could ask for.”

“i still hate that i can’t fix your eye.”

  
“you were never going to be able to fix my eye.”

“does it hurt?”

“not really. not anymore at least.”

“i want to make you corporeal, York. i want to make you human.”

“but i’m not.”

they sat in silence for a moment, taking everything in, it seemed as though something had burst a long time ago.

“Wash still knows, you know.”

“what?”

“Wash knows everything. he remembers. he knows that the director lives next door to us with Agent Texas. he knows, York. he knows about you too..”

“how?”

“i told him….when i thought i wouldn’t be able to see you again, i told him.”

“and what did he say?”

“he told me not to get into Necromancy, that it was too risky.”

“and yet you did it anyway.” he said, brushing a stray crimson hair out of her face

she got up from the floor retrieving the spellbook and placing it back on the shelf, even now she was still wearing her old turquoise freelancer boots over the top of her jeans.

York smiled “if i said i like your armour would you hold it against me?” he grins tapping a boot

Carolina chuckles “no, i wouldn’t. i would punch you, throw you over my shoulder and lock you out of the apartment.”

“no fair.”

“life isn’t fair.”

“no it isn’t, especially not when you have your hair out.”

“you like it?”

“yes, yes i do.”

they paused

“so, you want me to cook dinner?” York asks

“please.” Carolina grins “and then afterwards we can look at seeing what spells i can use on your lower half.” she smiles and winks before flipping on the TV, it may not be the best place to live, but it’s home enough.

 


	2. Making You Believe (Tuckington)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tucker and Wash spend some Quality time together. Post-Connie's death, previous Wash/Connie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave York and Carolina actual names for this, these names are not Cannon, and are merely my own creation for this work of fiction.

when Tucker came home, he arrived to chaos. the furniture was everywhere and Wash’s cries were echoing from the bathroom. sighing, Tucker put down his keys and entered the bathroom. Wash was lying on the floor, curled up into a ball and clearly sobbing. Tucker placed a hand at his back.

“Hey buddy, i’m home. are you okay?”

“what does it look like Tucker? of course i’m not fucking okay.”

“i promise i’ll stop leaving my clothes everywhere.”

“it’s not about you, Tuck.”

there was a brief pause where Tucker simply nodded “you miss her?”

“like hell i do. and carolina refuses to bring her back, even though it’s fine when she wants to bring back her own dead boyfriend.”

“you want a hug?”

“maybe.”

Tucker chuckled and embraced Wash. this wasn’t the first time he’d been like this, hell this surely wouldn’t be the last, but together, in some crazy way, they made it work.

Tucker was always willing to take Wash to as many bars as it would take to get him drunk, which wasn’t easy, and which Wash usually declined. meanwhile Wash was perfectly happy to sit with Tucker on the couch and binge on Netflix with takeout, which Tucker would always join until he got bored. their relationship was…. messy, hard to work out, and blurred. most people would say that they were surprised that the good-natured, rule defining and law abiding David Washington could ever end up with the joking, flirty, and wild Lavernius Tucker. they’d just shrug and say that it worked. because it did, although it had it’s many flaws.

Wash was always fine with Tucker flirting with as many girls as he could find, and had no problem when Tucker didn’t come home because he’d passed out at one of Kaikaina Grif’s parties from down the street, and Tucker was fine when Wash wanted to be alone or hang out with Carolina Church and James York from across the hall.

it worked for them.

Tucker kissed Wash’s forehead, his dreadlocks creating a curtain around them “tell me about her, tell me about Connie.” he said, just as he did every time this happened.

yes, in a way, he did feel jealous for the first few times, that Wash was busy mourning over his dead lover when he had Tucker right in front of him, but after a while it was a mutual understanding as Tucker learned of what had happened and why this was so important.

and Wash did as he was asked, talking about everything, even though Tucker had heard it countless times before he listened again, just as intently as he had the first time he heard it, making sure not to miss any details.

"you know what Wash. you don't need Carolina's witchcraft to try and bring her back."

"i know, i know. i'm being stupid."

"no you're not. you're David Washington, my boyfriend."

"but i'm sitting here crying over some useless-"

"don't. you love her." Tucker replied looking Wash dead in the eye "and if that's not good enough then i don't know what is."

Wash opened his mouth and closed it again "Tucker...i..."

"don't you dare say you're sorry. you love her, Wash. i know you do, and that's okay. there's no need to try and bring her back. all you need to know is that she knows you love her."

Tucker sighed as he finished his story, smiling down at his boyfriend “c’mon. let’s go watch one of those crappy movies you always have lying around.”

Wash took his hand and nodded “you want me to make popcorn?”

“of course i do, you make really good popcorn, Wash.”

“thanks Tucker. oh, i forgot to ask, how was Junior?”

at the mention of his son Tucker just nodded “yeah, he was fine, i dropped him off at his mom’s and all was good. i took him out to see that new movie…Puppy Pals or something.”

“sounds nice, lemme guess, you guys played arcade games?”

“yeah, but he was pretty distracted by one of the girls’ at the pinball machine.”

“i just hope he doesn’t turn out like you Lavernius, flirting with girls left and right.”

“ahh, you know how it is, Bow Chicka Bow Wow, and all that.”

“yes, yes i do Tucker. now go get the movie, i’m making popcorn.”


	3. From Blue to Red to Indigo (Chex)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “it’s going to be fine. i know it is.”
> 
> “but Church…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tex starts to have some worries over her magic, Church is there to help her

the bang and subsequent sobbing that emanated from the shared wall between apartments eight and seven made Allison Church, known to friends, family and other apartment dwellers as “Tex”, jump quote badly in the air, which also meant that she set the note she’d been writing on fire.

“aah, shit!” she said trying to stop the flames “Leo! Leo, come help me in here, i’ve done it again!”

Leonard Church, known as “Church” to most people and “Epsilon” to David Washington, entered the kitchen to find his wife standing over a piece of slowly burning paper “here.” he said placing a damp towel over it which ceased the blaze at once.

“Thanks Leo.”

“no problem, but really, you need to start controlling it better.”

“i know, i know, it’s just the neighbours made me jump again.”

“you mean York and Carolina?”

“yeah...hey, do you ever think it’s weird that she has the same last name as us?”

“not really….” Church replied, a little stiffly, he knew exactly why she had his last name, in fact he knew more than most about Carolina, York, Washington, Tucker, Grif, Simmons, and several other residents.

“hmm, well anyway, i was going to get the mail, you want to come?”

“not if you’re going to try and kick the letterbox open again. seriously, can you try to not damage other people’s shit?”

“sorry, but, you know, that Carolina girl… she really doesn’t like me and i have no idea why.”

“beats me, Tex, but yeah, i’ll come with you, i’m supposed to be meeting up with Tucker, Grif and Simmons in the bar anyway.”

“i think it’s nice that you get together with all your old war buddies, even if you were on opposite teams.”  
“yeah, well, all of us were pretty pathetic to be honest.” Church replied, locking the apartment behind them

“it can't have been that bad.”

“it was. do you think hearing Tucker make crude jokes everyday helped anyone?”

“probably not.”

the two of them reached the bottom of the stairs, inside the reception area. where Michael Caboose, known mainly as Caboose and the landlord of the establishment, was busy talking to his dog, Freckles. Freckles had previously been a rather large dog of unknown breed, however after he passed, Freckles had been replaced by a small, grey Jack Russell terrier.

“evening Caboose.” Church smiled, Caboose certainly wasn’t the brightest fellow, although he was 25 his mental capability was more like a ten to twelve year old who was really really cuddly.

“oh hi Church, i was just talking to freckles about getting him some more dog treats. how have you been?”

“we’ve been good, how’s Santa?” Santa was Caboose’s cat, names for his ginger fur.

“oh, he’s sleeping.”

“that sounds nice. are you going to join me and everyone else down in bar tonight?”

“no thanks Church, the bar’s run out of apple juice so i’ll need to get some more tomorrow. you guys have a nice time!”

Allison smiled, checking the various letters “nothing really interesting here. ahh well, you want to head back up? surely you don’t have to be there yet.”

“no, not yet, there’s still time for some practice.”

when they arrived back at their apartment Church led Tex into their sitting room “c’mon, let’s try this again, you need to focus the energy, that’s all.”

“i know, i know, i mean, you’ve seen me fight, i can control it pretty well… i just lose focus sometimes.”

“it’s going to be fine. i know it is.”

“but Church…”

“look, Allison i thought i would never see you again, i put all my energy into finding you and here we are. i put all of my efforts into collecting as much as i knew about you. i searched for information using my online buddies.”

“you mean Delta and all that?”

“yeah, although i’m pretty sure that York is actually Delta but nevermind. i know that you can focus on this… it’s going to be okay.”

“but Leo, what if i can’t? you remember what it was like back then… i mean you were two years younger than me when i got deployed and it took us ages to find eachother again. what if i can’t control it. you know what happened, you remember, don’t you?”

“i do… and i know that you can control it, just try.”

“but what if... “ she paused “what if i’m scared, okay? what if i’m scared that it’ll happen again….”

“it won’t happen again, we know this. beside’s the side-effects weren’t that bad. you ended up with blonde hair instead of red hair and you got some scarring. it’s not that bad.”

“Church… i’m scared that i’ll bring back Omega.”

the both of them paused, The Omega Incident was something they always tried to avoid. it was the one curse that could mess up so much. before Tex knew she was a witch, and she always had been, she’d been deployed through the army… on one particular day when it all got to be too much…. she used Omega. it was one of the worst incidents to come out of the army, and it was swiftly covered up, but that’s why she lost a part of her memory and why it took Church so long to find her.

“you won’t. trust me. the Omega is safe, besides, back then you had to use it, there was no way you could’ve stopped it.” Church tried to reason as Tex hugged him, tears streaming down her face. “come on, i’ll comfort you.”


	4. I Just Wish... (Grimmons)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simmons (who usually tiptoes around starting arguments) might finally have reached his limit about Grif's slobbiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter of pure relationship drabbles. the rest of the chapters will be more focussed on apartment activities and will probably be including some more ships. :)
> 
> also is it bad if i can clearly imagine Gus's voice when typing out lines for Simmons? because i totally can.

 

Dexter Grif was notoriously lazy. he always had been, much to the annoyance of his former teammate and current boyfriend Dick Simmons.

“seriously? this is the third time this week Dex!” Simmons scowled “please, just once, clean up after yourself.  
he picked up what looked to be a very dirty shirt (but he could never be sure what article of clothing it was) up off the floor and placed it on the floor of the laundry, looking over at Grif, who gave the emotional equivalent of a noncommittal noise and a vague hand wave at Simmons’s very typical rant, he simply shrugged “sure. whatever.”

Simmons sighed, moving into the next room only to find double the mess. that was it. he’d had it.

“GRIF!” he stormed, flinging articles of clothing towards him, one after another.

a jacket knocked his headphones off while a shoe knocked the controller out of hands.

“what the hell?!” he said looking back at Simmons, who wasn’t exactly the best at aiming, seeing as how most of the clothes had missed “i was about to listen to Cortana!” he frowned, pointing at the half-completed Halo game on-screen.

“I DON’T CARE!” Simmons raged, walking up towards his boyfriend, his eye twitching and face absolutely livid “I AM TIRED OF YOU TREATING THIS PLACE LIKE SHIT! IT’S NOT YOUR COLLEGE DORM ROOM DEXTER, THIS IS OUR APARTMENT. OUR _SHARED_ APARTMENT! NOT JUST YOUR SPACE BUT MINE TOO! YOU CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS UNLESS YOU WANT TO RISK LOSING OUR HOME, AND RIGHT NOW, POSSIBLY ME TOO.” he was breathing heavily and was close to punching his boyfriend and his next words were spoken so quietly it was hard to hear them at all.

“if you want to keep our relationship, Dexter, then you better stop fucking around and actually start taking responsibility for your shit, because i can’t keep doing it for you.”

Grif stood there, absolutely speechless. through all of his time knowing Simmons, whether it was in the army, taking hit after hit from Sarge (not literally though), or now, when the reds and blues had been dismissed and Simmons had been embarrassed to fully talk about their relationship, he had never seen him this angry.

“i’m sorry.” were the first words to leave his mouth “i’m really sorry… god i’ve been such a bitch, Dick, please, i’m sorry. please...please don’t leave…” he said, soft for someone with a voice like his as he crossed the room, stopping just short of entering Simmons’s personal bubble. “i love you, dear god i love you, please Dick, i swear i’ll do something… anything. i’ll clean up my shit and look after this place, i’ll get a job.. i-i’ll start paying rent, just please-” his voice broke “please don’t leave me.”

  
there was a brief pause, the air so thick you could cut through with a knife.

“you don’t have to do all of that… just….just start taking responsibility for things for once” Simmons said, not meeting his boyfriend’s eyes “and maybe clean up some of your stuff once in awhile…. well, actually….” he started chuckling “i could make a list of the things i’d like you to do Grif. how about we start little by little? baby steps?” he smiled, that crooked-ass grin that set Grif off in an instant, finding himself grinning in response.

“sure, baby steps” he responded, wrapping an arm around Simmons’s waist

“yeah, what do you say to taking responsibility and y’know actually cleaning your clothes instead of leaving them everywhere to get filthy?”

“sure.”

“think you can abandon Cortana and Master Chief long enough to help me pick this up and put it in the washing?”

“of course, Dick.” Grif grinned, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek as he began to gather clothes.


	5. She's Bleeding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the female wavered “i was in an ashident with the carsch.”
> 
> “Cars? as in more than one?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this seems really jumpy. i'm not too sure what the main ship should be currently, so i'm just moving from one character to another. if you have suggestions as to who i should try to stick to then please let me know.
> 
> also, i can totally imagine that Simmons and York would be the first people to jump up if someone called for help, to me they're "the helpers" who may end up being more of a hindrance because of how much they want to help. 
> 
> AI's hoping to appear in the next chapter... maybe

it was raining when Katie Jensen stumbled into the lobby of The V&R (as many of it’s residents has affectionately named it) bleeding profusely and swearing through her lisp. most would say that she was really lucky that Carolina was coming downstairs to get the mail.

“CAN SOMEONE GET GREY? WE HAVE SOMEONE BLEEDING IN THE LOBBY AND GOD KNOWS WHERE CABOOSE HAS GONE!”

Carolina’s yell was answered by several voices (namely that of Simmons and York) and then the sounds of too many people trying to fit inside the cramped elevator all at once. all in all it took about ten minutes for Doctor Emily Grey to reach the lobby. as far as everyone else knew she was the only person with medical experience, even if some of her methods were...unusual to say the least.

“hey there! i’m Dr Grey, care to tell me what’s wrong?” she smiled down at the still bleeding female.

“she’s bleeding, isn't it obvious?” Carolina said, slightly pissed that she still hadn’t collected the mail.

Grey sighed “i know that, but i just need to hear it from her to know what on earth happened to get her like this.”

eventually they managed to move the injured girl up to the “medical ward”, meaning Grey’s apartment, and lie her on the couch.

“i’m shorry.” were the first words she said, obviously directed towards the doctor. “i don’t want any trouble….”

“it’s fine, i just want to know what’s wrong, oh i hope it’s good enough to perform surgery!”

the female wavered “i was in an ashident with the carsch.”

“Cars? as in more than one?”

“yesh, i was trying to park… and i couldn’t shee very well in the rain...i think i rammed into more than one car.”

“and where did you hit your head?”

“oh the daschboard.”

“okay then, you won’t be needing surgery.” Grey sighed “but you will need to rest and recuperate for a few days.” she continued, grabbing out some disinfectant and a swab. “hold still this will sting.”

the bleeding female grit her teeth. the doctor was right, it did sting. five minutes later and a bandage was successfully wrapped around her head.

“why were you trying to park here anyway?” Grey asked

“i wasch going to move in. i need a place to stay… my friendsh shaid thish wasch cheapescht….”

“well, sadly the landlord is out right now… probably with that dog of his, and you need to rest so… you could stay here if you wanted.”

“really?”

“yeah, of course.”

the dirty-blonde female held out a hand “i’m Katie, Katie Jenshen”

“Emily Grey.” the brunette responded, shaking it.

a loud thumping on the door made them both jump “GREEEEY! I THINK I CUT MYSELF AGAIN!”

Grey chuckled “and that would be the landlord now.” she opened the door to a frowning Caboose

“i think santa scratched me when i tried to pick him up.”

“where?”

“on my thumb.”

Grey sighed and grabbed a band-aid “fine, fine. you have a now tenant, by the way Caboose, she was bleeding in the lobby earlier.” she said in a bored voice, waving at Katie offhandedly

Caboose nodded and moved forward to shake Katie’s hand “hi there! i’m Caboose, um...i think there’s an apartment free on this floor...oh yeah! the one next to the elevator is free. people don’t like the noise, but i think you’ll like it because it’s near Grey.” he grinned.

here was the thing about Caboose’s grin. it was so innocent, that you couldn’t help but smile back, it was just so… genuine.

“uh, hi Caboosche. i’m Katie Jenshen… uh… yeah, shure, i’ll take it, i guesh.”

Caboose just chuckled, waiting as patiently as he could while Grey put on the band-aid “thanks Grey!” he called over his shoulder as he made his way downstairs, bumping into Tucker on the way.

“woah, Caboose, what’s the rush?”

“wah-oh, hey Tucker! i’m meeting Sister downstairs, we’re going on a date-”

“WHAT?!” Grif came storming out of his room, interrupting the conversation completely “you’re telling me that my sister is going out with you?”

“yeah.” Caboose smiled, happily.

“but….she goes out with a ton of people, dude, she’s like me, except she sleeps around more, Bow-Chicka Bow-Wow” Tucker grinned

“yeah, but that’s okay.”

“WHAT? she sleeps around?!” Grif scowled “that’s it i need to start talking to her about her dating standards-”

“dude relax, just let them go on their date and then you can chew out your sister.”  
“ish it alwaysch like thish here?” Katie asked, overhearing the three in the hallway

“pretty much. oh, two thing i should tell you, don’t piss off Carolina or Tex, both of them hurt.”

“oh….hey, uh, Emily?”

“yeah?”

“thanksch for patching me up.”

“oh it’s no problem, i’m just annoyed i didn’t get to perform surgery on you.”

there was a brief pause, the three men in the hallway continued to argue, more shouting could be heard from the floor above along with what sounded like the groaning of bedsprings.

“Emily, who livesh above you?”

“hmm? oh that’s Felix and Locus. i expect they’re doing it again.”

“doing what again?”

“you’ll find out, soon enough.”

the elevator pinged and another voice has joined those in the hall

“will you all just shut up! Tucker, come back to the apartment for christ’s sake, i’ve been stalling Church for half an hour now.”

“right, right, coming Wash. Seeya Caboose, have fun on your date. Grif, cut him some slack for god’s sake, go back to fucking Simmons why don’t you.”

“HEY!”

"what? i'm not the one who refuses to admit that they actually spend time fucking their boyfriend."

apparently that was it for grif as he swung a punch towards Tucker, who dodged it. Caboose had left by now leaving Tuck and grif getting into a semi-serious fist fight while Wash was demanding that Tucker needed to get a hold of himself.

"Punch him in the Jugular!" Grey chimed

"in the what-?" Grif shouted back

"punch him in the jugular!"

"what?"

"ugh, just punch him in the gaddamn throat!"

in the end Grif didn't actually punch Tucker in the throat. Wash had dragged the two apart and then taken tucker into the elevator "you are going to come and talk to Church with me, whether you like it or not."

Katie had succesfully memorised where all the rooms were in Grey's apartment by the time the brunette came back into the room, shutting the door behind her and asking if she wanted some tea.

 


	6. 1:00 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our current characters decide to visit Errera, the bar below the apartment complex. highjinks ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made it so the AI's are computer characters/online alias's 
> 
> also, is it just me? or can you guys also imagine this sort of stuff happening if they all ended up in a bar?

1:00 AM. one of the best times to get drunk or at least, that’s what Carolina had learned over the course of her time with the Freelancers. 1:00 AM was always a good time to get drunk. it wasn’t exactly coincidence that she had asked York if she could accompany him to his meeting with Wash. it also wasn’t exactly a coincidence that Tucker had arranged for all the members of the Red and Blue Teams to meet up that night as well. to put it simply, the bar that resided below the apartment complex, Errera, was very crowded that night.

Errera was known for many things to many people, for York and Carolina, it was where they met, for Grif and Simmons it was where Grif asked Simmons out, for Tex it’s a place to get rid of unwanted memories that she was sure weren’t her own, for Grey it was one of the few places where she could talk about any sort of medical bumbo jumbo and people would actually listen (even if they were inebriated.)

the bar itself was run by Sarge, a man known for his previous army achievements (being captain of the Red Team) and rather large build. the known servers aside from sarge was a gangly, thin and rather accident prone young man in his late teens, Charles Palomo, simply known as Palomo (or in Tucker’s case: the most annoying noise maker ever) and a boyous man named Franklin Donut. (yet another former Red Team member, known as Donut to everyone in the apartment complex)

when the two groups (Wash, York and Carolina and most of the Reds and Blues) met up at the cheap, and rather greasy bar a nod was shared between them and Tex (although disgruntled) was made to sit between the two groups, mainly because of the claims she was “the neutral one” because she “had been on both groups” even though she was sure she hadn’t.

“Church, i don’t see why i have to mitigate this! also, what on earth is Grif talking about? i wasn’t part of your squadron, you know that.”

“i do, Tex, it’s fine. Grif just doesn’t know what he’s on about.”

“also, Wash keeps mentioning me when he talks about the Freelancers, but i wasn’t even there. “Agent Texas” was just my ODST codename, not some weird Freelancer name….”

“Tex, Allison, it’ll be fine, trust me, they’re probably talking about someone with the same codename as you. besides, there was another member of Blue Team, who looked a lot like you, but we lost her in the firefight.”

Church often hoped that his lies were enough to soothe her conscience. the small doubt that she might remember everything was constantly at the back of his mind and it was questions like this that he had to be very careful to dodge. it had taken forever to get her back, he wasn’t about to lose her again, not like this, not because someone couldn’t keep their mouth shut.

York had stolen his lighter from Carolina again, and, in a very familiar fashion, was flicking it on and off repeatedly, becoming rather bored of the conversation. he knew why Wash was constantly asking for meetings with them, of all the people in Freelancer he had hit the hardest. Connecticut’s betrayal, and reveal that she had been working for the government’s enemy agents the whole time was a brutal end to Wash’s hope in the Freelancers, and when he and Carolina were the only ones who had left… well… it was understandable at best, after all, them leaving, secured their survival, not all of them died, mind, in fact york was probably the only one but he never tried to check.

the rest of the Freelancers had fled the country, tried to forget what they could and start anew. Carolina and Wash had too of course, just a little earlier than the rest when they saw the signs. it was mainly thanks to Carolina that York was even here right now. he needed a body, and Carolina was more than willing to provide him with a replica of his own, even if he didn’t want her to get involved in Necromancy.

“Stop that.” Carolina was frowning at him

“make me.” he replied in a bored tone

“i will if you don’t turn that damn thing off.”

“and what exactly will you do?”

a grin snaked it’s way onto Carolina’s face. “i’ll get you drunk enough to repeat the “Termite Incident.”

at the sound of those words Tucker’s head shot up “The Termite Incident? dude! that was awesome!”

“it wasn’t awesome….” York said darkly “and i don’t want to repeat it.” he finished, handing over his lighter back to Carolina.

“yeah it was!” Chimed in Kaikaina Grif (AKA, Sister), former member of the Blue Team and both Caboose’s date and general alcohol enthusiast (which is mainly why she came) “you were running around yelling about how you could eat the tables like a termite and then-”

“shut up!” York glared, he wasn’t one to get angry, that was usually Carolina, and usually he could laugh off the times he got seriously drunk and performed strange incidents but The Termite Incident was one he would never forget.

“alright, alright.” Tucker said defensively “seriously, we thought you’d calmed down about it.”

“well, i haven’t, okay?” York said pointedly before downing his glass, feeling rather sour.

  
Wash chuckled and ordered more drinks. it was only after the fourth (or so Carolina thought) call for drinks that everything really started going downhill.

she knew from her third sip that she was almost certainly drunk, and as much fun as that was she was very very aware of how she was very much in public and very much wanted to be alone, preferably with York, when she was this drunk. yes, when she’s been with the Freelancers the number of time she’d been drunk in their company was…..a lot, but they were her team….it was okay with them, and it was okay (sometimes) with the Reds and the Blues too, but not when it was friday night and half of the street had come down to party, oh no, not tonight.

1:00 AM is one of the best times to get drunk. particularly if you’re a bunch of apartment dwellers who can keep their liquor. (which was mainly why Tucker and Sister were having a competition over who could handle the most shots and Wash was trying in vain to stop them.) for Carolina, that meant that she was currently pinned against a wall….correction, one of the walls, by York, even though normally she’d be the one pinning him somewhere, it was strangely relaxing letting someone else take control, as much as she liked to set the pace. this was also why Tex and Church had left early, and why Caboose had gone to bed (considering he’d only been drinking apple juice), and why Grif and Simmons had disappeared into the male restroom half an hour ago and hadn’t emerged since.

it was surprisingly quiet once Sister had left to go home (and yes, she did win she shot war, Tucker passed out.) or at least, that’s what Wash noticed, as Tucker began to stir sleepily from where he’d had his head pressed against the bar. Sarge, was currently ordering Palomo around, which was quite a lot of noise in itself, due to how much Palomo was shaking. (and no, he hadn’t been the one to serve them, Sarge had been out the back getting more booze so the Reds, Blues and three Freelancers ended up being served by Donut who annoyed all of the Blood Gulch crew by making double entendres that were almost physically painful to hear.)

“mmmmm...Wash?” Tucker said sleepily

“yes Tucker?”

“can we go home and sleep?”

“you know, that actually sounds like a really good idea.” Wash cringed, the amount of alcohol he’d consumed had been less than everyone else but he still had a pounding heading. “let’s get out of here.”

  
at midday the next day, Carolina met up with Tex on the stairs. all it took was a glance from both women to confirm their suspicions about the noises heard between their shared wall. the two had moved away from one another unusually quickly, which wasn’t helped when Caboose asked Carolina, who had been trying to get the mail once again, why she was so red in the face.  
Tucker woke up at 3:03 PM with what he would continue to call the biggest hangover he’d had in a long time. Wash’s was mediocre and had been cured sufficiently with painkillers by 10:30 AM, he had left two aspirin, plus a glass of water and some form of breakfast beside Tucker’s side of the bed, which was surprisingly thankful, all things considering.

it didn’t take long for Church to get online, the WI-FI was shitty but it worked. he was currently logged in as “Alpha” on one of his main gaming sites. Tex often used it too, going under the name “Beta.” there were others too “Delta” and “Epsilon” were regulars and occasionally “Sigma” would come online too, ironically it was always when “Delta” was offline. when Tex entered the room and explained her brief run-in with Carolina, Church paused the game to look at her.

“York and Carolina are younger than us by far Tex, it’s not that bad.”

“you don’t get it. it’s just….awkward, you know? i mean… other people aren’t supposed to know this kind of stuff….”

“we live in a crappy apartment complex, of course people will hear through the walls. but hey, at least people don’t talk about it it your face, huh?”

“yeah, i guess.”

  
1:00 AM is one of the best times to get drunk. but the morning after is often rather questioning.

 

 


	7. Dysfunctional Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there are times when Tex can’t think, and then there are times when she ends up thinking too much
> 
> there are times when Church doesn't want to think, and then there are times when he has to.
> 
> there are times when Carolina wishes she could think, and then there are times when she wishes anything but.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, first off, the names of the Freelancers are completely made up, i made them and they aren't cannon, except for Carolina, because Carolina. 
> 
> also, there is a ton of just general sadness in this chapter. if you wish to proceed then you should do so with tissues.

there are times when Tex can’t think. and then there are times when she ends up thinking too much. she knows that her memories are, slightly scattered, to say the least. for instance, she remembers having a daughter, and she remembers what the baby looked like, but she couldn’t remember her name, not once, and she didn’t understand as to where the baby had gone within the time that she’d been away.

it simply didn’t fit into place.

for instance, she remembers being deployed as an ODST, she remembers her mission clearly, she remembers being panicked, and then… there’s just a blank space where the rest should be. as if someone shut off her senses for a while and forgot to turn them back on. the memory after that is her stumbling around somewhere dark, there was smoke, a lot of smoke, something had crashed, something that she had been onboard, something with wheels. she remembers her head hurting, she remembers arms trying to pick her up, a familiar voice calling out that they “had her” but she couldn’t remember who, or how she’d got there.

Church had helped her to fill in the blanks. he had told her what had happened, and the pieces began to fit, like a jigsaw puzzle…. and yet… it felt wrong somehow. it made perfect sense, all of it…. but there was simply something… missing.

her memories of now are perfectly clear, she can remember what she had for breakfast, where she works, things like that, but occasionally, she’ll have flashes. repercussions of memories that she doesn’t know. like the one where she was fighting against someone wearing turquoise armour, meanwhile she was wearing her familiar black. she doesn’t remember who the person in the turquoise armour is and she doesn’t remember where she is either.

it’s flashes like these that she’s determined to forget. she’s happy, she’s perfectly fine with the life she has. she doesn’t need false memories to try and ruin it for her. it’s flashes like these, where she heads towards Errera, to talk to Sarge, or Palomo about anything at all, while the alcohol makes her feel, somewhat revived.

 

 

there are times when Church can’t think. and then there are times he ends up thinking too much. only he knows the full story. how the whole things fits together. and he tries desperately to ignore it. he remembers when Allison left the first time, being deployed as on ODST. leaving him to look after their two year old daughter, Carolina. he loved them both, he still does. he simply doesn’t get to spend much time with both of them at the same time. whenever Allison is away, and sometimes even when York is also busy, he’ll invite Carolina over, simply so that he can hold her, and apologise over and over for the love he stopped giving her. she’ll always forgive him, even though he knows there’s some part of her that blames him, because it is his fault.

he knows about how, at some point during one of her missions, Allison used the Omega spell, not only did it kill all of the enemy and injure most of her team, but it destroyed the whole base and the Omega took control over her, making her take into hiding for years.

he remembers when he was asked to try and form a special ops team for the government, there was no particular reason why they chose him. he was simply drawn from the hat. he remembers that his own daughter at the time, was one of the strongest fighters in the military, and that he was determined to get her to join. she did join, along with many others, James York and David Washington being two of them. he remembers how distant he got during Project Freelancer. how, halfway through, Allison turned up. joining the team, even though she didn’t seem quite right, no matter how much he tried to talk to her she simply dismissed him, and many of the team members thought she was a robot.

he remembers when Freelancer collapsed. when Agent Connecticut, otherwise known as Lucy Connecticut Jones, betrayed the team, causing Carolina and Wash to take leave, and how Allison’s unusual rage set off something in Agent Maine, otherwise known was Maine Harrison, who ended up destroying most of the facility, injuring every agent, and killing one, James York. he remembers how Allison ran off again, and it was only when he himself was deployed as Captain of the Blue team, in Blood Gulch, versing the Reds, that Allison re-appeared again, joining his corp, and no matter how much he tried to talk to her, ask her questions, she simply shrugged them off, saying she didn’t know what he was talking about.

then, when the Blood Gulch teams were sent to the Chorus outpost to deal with a civil war, Allison ran again, unable to be located. eventually, after The Blood Gulch Crew had been dismissed, and even the Chorus teams had had enough. he began to search, trying in vain to find Allison and bring her to her senses. he found her at the site of a pelican crash, apparently she’d been in a warthog underneath and had parked for whatever reason when the pelican came down a few metres away, the flames and shrapnel engulfed her.

he managed to pull her out of the wreckage, patch her up, help her start new, even though her memories were faltered. it appeared that the Omega spell had taken control of her, and had refused to let go, it had turned her into Tex, the anger-driven, fighting machine that couldn’t be stopped.

he hated himself for it. for knowing everything, and yet never telling. it was why he liked being able to put his mind at ease, to try and ignore it for a bit using whatever activities he could. in fact it was why he’d got into online gaming.

  
Tex didn’t know she was witch. her parents certainly didn’t know, or else, never told her, she’d known that she had energy, that was for sure. but when she finally found out about the Omega Spell and how she’d accidentally destroyed so much with it. she was scared. she wanted to get rid of her magic. she hated it. she hated what it could do. with Church’s help she was slowly starting to control it, to use it better, but it still scared her. it always had.

  
Church had watched Carolina grow up, and was surprised when he saw her do things that shouldn’t have been possible. he didn’t know at first, what on earth it was, but whatever it was, he didn’t want medical advice. he had scoured his home, rifling through his and Tex’s possessions for something, anything. and then he found it. a worn spellbook, hidden behind a dictionary on Tex’s bookshelf. it seemed that there was something about Tex that he had never known. as Carolina grew older, he attempted to teach her, and by her adolescence she could master whatever spells she pleased. she preferred to not do any magic at all, but it would slip out on occasion. and he always forgave her for it.

when Church started to lie to Tex, explaining things that never happened in order to cover up her memory gap, it felt horrible at first. he knew that he had to tell her about the witchcraft, as it seemed that she didn’t even know herself. it took a lot of talking to convince her. and even more talking to get her to try using it properly. overall it was a lot of effort on both of their parts.

 

 

  
there are times when Carolina sees Tex, and just wants to hug her. to run up to her and cry and just be held by the woman who birthed her, and yet didn’t even know her. it was a horrible feeling, like something thick was filling up her throat, and she had to turn on her heel and walk briskly back to her apartment to fall into York’s arms, the ones that she had made herself, and cry on corporeal shoulders that weren’t quite human. she sometimes wondered about her mother, whether she had the same magic as her, and whether she had total control over it. Church always said she didn’t, that it was proving hard.

  
and then there are the times when Tex looks at Carolina, when she’s busy talking about god-knows-what, and has an explicable urge to care for her, to try and check up on her, even though she didn’t know why. she knew that Carolina was younger than her, old enough to be her daughter, yes, but Church had already told her that their daughter was living overseas, studying.

 

 

 

sometimes, Tex’s memories didn’t make sense, and sometimes Church would wish he could just tell someone everything, and sometimes, Carolina wishes that she could have her family back, just one more time.


	8. Dysfunctional Family - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is basically a continuation of the last chapter. mainly from Carolina's perspective, tons of Yorkalina, and a ton of repressed emotions. 
> 
> i hope you're welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, i feel like i need to add in more Magic, and more uses of Magic because there just isn't enough. let me know what you guys think.

it was yet another one of those times for Carolina. one of the times where she’ll be walking down a hallway, or chatting to no one in particular when Tex will walk past, and Carolina can’t help but watch, wondering what similarities she possessed with this woman. Church had already told her many times that Tex had dyed her hair blonde when she was shipped out and had continued to do so since, apparently she’s a natural redhead though, which would explain Carolina’s vivid red hair, normally worn in a ponytail. Tex’s eyes too, were green, like her own, yet another things she had in common. absent-mindedly she found herself wandering within the dangerous depths of her thoughts, the things she kept at the back of her mind at all times.

for instance, one of these thoughts in particular was when she first kissed York. it had been when they were both new to Project Freelancer, excited and naive and foolish. they got drunk. all of the Freelancers did, a celebration to commemorate being accepted, which slowly turned more and more downhill. she had been the one to make the first move. although she and York had met previously, in Errera on a rainy day, before they lived in the V&R, they had never really…. done, anything. she remembers the scene, her pinning York against a wall behind the club itself, when the thought flitted across her brain about how she wanted to make him hers. she had pushed the thought to the back of her mind on instinct, they weren’t allowed to date, not now they were colleagues, but still…

other thoughts drifted there too, mainly revolving around her own relationships with people, things she wanted to forget. Family, was something that she had buried in there long ago, the idea of having a family, a full one, that is, one where she could have a mother that remembered her, a father who had actually treated her like a daughter, a real family, not one that was as broken as her own. it never took long for her to have to head back home. she was supposed to be strong. supposed to be better than this. she was Carolina Church for god’s sake. but thinking about her family always did this to her, no matter what.

she unlocked the apartment door with shaking hands, opening it and closing it behind her slowly. York looked up from his book and almost immediately walked over to her. this wasn’t the first time she’d done this, he knew. Carolina broke down in his arms as he held her, their backs against the door. murmured words were choked between her cries, things that he couldn’t exactly make out. and eventually, after what felt like ages, Carolina looked up at York, at the limbs that she had made, at the being that wasn’t quite human, and whispered:

“i want a family.”

York was surprised, although he didn’t act it. she hadn’t said this in her previous times of need, and it was both comforting and slightly alarming. he didn’t know what or how to respond, and it took him a while to formulate words.

“as in, you want, us to have a family?” he asked slowly, making sure that he wasn’t sounding like a threat.

she nodded in response. she knew that she hadn’t voiced it before, this was another thing that was constant in the back of her mind, the reasoning that she would be a better mother to her own child then Tex had been to her. it wasn’t as though she was angry at Tex for not being there (although for a while in her teenage years, she had been) she just knew that she wanted to be there for her child, no matter what.

“so...you want to have a baby?”

hearing those exact words made her pause, those were words she had heard come from other young couples, married couples, people other than them. hearing them now was….confronting. certainly different.

“at some point. yes.” she found herself answering, noticing as she did that she sounded like the had a bad head cold.

“and when you say at some point….what do you mean?”

  
Carolina couldn’t accurately answer. York was simply waiting, he too had been considering bringing up the possibility of children, but that was for after marriage, after they had a bigger home, and there were simply too many possibilities to try and account for.

“i don’t exactly know” she responded “all the other couples with children are married, and live in larger places than apartments.” she looked up at him “but i do want a family. didn’t you say something about having babies with green eyes?” she smiled.

“i did, didn’t i?” York said “well, i mean….god, ‘Lina… there’s a lot to consider if we want to do this….and-”

“we don’t have to consider it now though. to be honest, what i’m more concerned about is whether the body i’ve made you is even capable of completing such a task.”

“it probably is, if i’m judging by bedroom standards.” York grinned, he wasn’t one to smirk but you could tell it was there, even if it wasn’t on his face.

“you’re a pervert.”

“says the one who’s asking for children.”

“i never said that it had to happen now.”

“neither did i.”

there was a brief pause between them

“i need to repair your hand… it’s fading.” Carolina said, indicating the silvery-white patches beginning to appear in the surface of his skin”

“can it wait till later?”

“why? is there something you want to do?”

“you, actually.”

“pervert.”

“hey, you brought this up. it’s not my fault if i want to spend some time with you is it?”

“no.”

“besides it’ll make you feel better, stop you from worry about me and get you to start worrying about yourself.”

“why? i’m fine.”

“ ‘Lina….this is the fourth time this week that you’ve seen Tex or Church and immediately come home.”

“...”

“ ‘Lina, you need to do something. please. i want to help you.”

“...”

“you can use whatever excuse you want to make it think as though you’re doing it for me and not for you, but we both know that’s not true. you remember the time in The Mother of Invention, when you snuck into my room at like… 3 AM because you wanted to be touched? because you needed a distraction?” he sighed, slightly frustrated “i’m not trying to distract you, ‘Lina, i’m trying to get you to focus.”

once again, there was brief pause, before Carolina lifted her head and kissed the scar beside his eye, trailing down his cheek and jaw and neck and collar, her hand moving into fists, clutching at his shirt. she was shaking, every time she touched him she missed her mark, but it didn’t matter.

“okay.” she said softly

“okay?”

“okay, you can help me focus.” she said, looking up at him with a slightly empty, sorry expression. “but i’m sorry in advance if i say things….that you haven’t heard…..”

York smiled and held her, lifting her up in his arms to look down upon the woman he loved

“okay, ‘Lina. it’s okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so, i'm going to say it outright: i am not very good at writing smut. but if you guys want, i will be happy to continue the next chapter with Yorkalina smut before moving onto another chapter.
> 
> please tell me what you think about this, because i'd actually like to give it a try, but i want my readers to be happy with the chapters i do, so if anyone isn't comfortable with Smut in this story (yet) please let me know. :)
> 
> <3 love you guys. :)
> 
> ~Black


	9. Dysfunctional Family - part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! - there will be Yorkalina smut in this chapter. i am sorry if it's bad, or not what you expected. i hope you enjoy it anyway.

they both stumbled into the bedroom, not for the lack of trying to walk. Carolina’s legs felt like lead and jelly all at once, and York was mainly supporting her, which was no mean feat. he held her with one arm on her back and the other on her cheek, deliberately not-constricting, a simple side-step and she’d be able to get away. that was something that always comforted the part of Carolina’s mind, that was five steps ahead, looking for exit routes and making escape plans, it was always soothing, how every time they did this, there was always the possibility of “i know you, i’ve got you.” and the amount of reassuring was a blessing, the one thing she was glad that she didn’t have to make was his personality, because it was the same, he was the same, he merely needed something physical to ground him, and she was glad that it had worked.

their bedroom was not large or spacious, but it wasn’t cosy nor was it confined. as York had kindly put it when they moved in “it breathes.” it was the space that was needed for them, for this, and it worked perfectly. their lips moved in synch with one another's, and the usually dominant Carolina, and ever-so-soft York had seemingly switched places. in any usual circumstance, their minds would be about each other, about how best to give them what they desired. this time, however was different. although York was still gentle as ever, and was still treading lightly, his grip remained firm and his thoughts, clear. although his mind was indeed on his lover, it was more focussed on gaining her emotional release than physical. although Carolina was still marking it on her grounds and making sure that everything was going to her plans, she let York guide her and anchor her, her mind clouded. her thoughts, although focussed on the man in front of her (who was ever so slightly, and rather irritatingly taller than her) were more concerned about not hurting him anymore than she already had.

lips trailed down skin as different articles of clothing were discarded, ghostly touches and firm reminders, shallow breathing and heavy searches. they moved to the bed, one of the few times where he rested on top of her, a position that usually didn’t occur.

“ ‘Lina…” York said, almost a whisper yet his eyes gave his hard determination a steeled edge.

“York.” Carolina said back, her voice slightly hoarse, her own eyes revealing the vulnerability and innocence that still lurked inside her.

as it began, she started with revealing something off the top. “i’m sorry i left you. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you to come with us, i’m sorry you died.”

York didn’t respond, simply here to listen, one of the things he had learned about Carolina Church, was that, rather than descending into incoherency when they were intimate, she tended to be far more verbal than normal, and had so far displayed a rather wide vocabulary.

he thrust again, starting to go faster, watching as beneath him Carolina slowly began to relieve herself of the tension that had been wound up for years.

“i hate how i can’t have a normal family. i hate how i can’t go up to Tex and say “hey, i’m your daughter. you don’t remember me, i want to hug you.” because that would ruin Church’s stupid little plan.”

York hated this, he hated the idea that he was forcing it out of her, and yet he couldn’t find it within himself to stop, to ask if she was okay. instead he moved a hand to her breast, pressing a firm, scarred palm against it and squeezing her nipple between thumb and finger. which was returned with a kiss over his scar, shoulders, chest, abdomen, and anywhere else Carolina could reach, before she spoke again.

“i hate how Church continues to just hide everything and pretend like it’s okay. i hate how he expects me to forgive him when even now he still doesn’t have the heart to give me back the family i never had. how he thinks that because i’m all grown up i’ll just forget about it and move on.”

York kissed her after that one, when he could see her beginning to tear up, when he could tell that it was upsetting her. she kissed back, remembering that this wasn’t a distraction, and it wasn’t to be used as a distraction, it was a comfort from the boy with the broken eye, the one she loved. her hands roamed over his body, and although there were gasps, groans and moans from both of them, it was the words that she found easier.

“whenever Wash comes over i wonder if he still misses C.T. because i do, i’m too afraid to voice it, because i don’t want to see him break down again. but i’ve talked to Tucker and i know he does and it hurts me. because for a while, we thought we were the only ones alive. and it scared us. we were like siblings, and i still think of him as a brother.”

lips pressed to skin coated with a sheen of sweat, fingers trailing downwards, leading to more moans, mainly female, and more talking.

“sometimes i look at Church or Tex and i wonder what i have in common with them, what traits i inherited from them, and i realise how much like them i am, and i’m scared. because both of them are so broken, and i’m so broken, and you’re so broken, and i don’t want to end up with us having a broken family. because broken families mean pain.”

more thrusting, more gasps, names falling from lips accidentally, mixed with mumbled curses on occasion.

“i don’t like using my magic because of everything that happened to Tex, Church told me once and i’ll never forget it. and when you were gone… i went mad, Wash saw it, the whole thing, when i knew you were gone, i felt like i had to destroy everything, you were my last hope, my last piece of whole, the only thing i had that wasn’t broken. and now look at you. i’ve gone to the reaches of something i never wanted to do to bring you back and here you are, and i’m so happy that you’re back but you’re broken, and i wish i could put you back together properly, but it’s not possible and it drives me insane, and i’m too scared to try and make you human because of what i could do… i can’t lose you again…”

another kiss on that one, more moans, building pressure, an alarming bang from the wall that connected their apartment to that of Church and Tex, who, although they couldn’t hear any words that were spoken, could definitely hear the moans and cries.

“i want to make you _mine_ , York, i want to make you mine so much it hurts, i feel like i can never love you enough that i can never do enough to make that happen, and i need you to be mine because i don’t know what else to do if you aren’t, i don’t know what else….”

more building pressure, small cries and mewls from Carolina, faster, faster, faster, harder, deeper, now, more, want. until finally:

“i hate how i can’t be strong. i’m supposed to be strong, i was always strong, how can i possibly be strong if i break down so much? how can i possibly be strong when my head's so full? why can’t i be strong enough? why is it that strong people are shown not to cry, yet it is almost impossible to do so? why do i feel so guilty for wanting you to be the strong one? why do i feel guilty for wanting you to take away my pain? why can’t i just let myself be weak for a little? because i want to, i want to so much, and i feel like i can’t.”

her voice broke, descending into moans as she climaxed, with York following shortly after. they lay there, simply holding one another, too hot to care about much else, too spent to try and move (except York, to throw away the condom), so they simply lay there, talking.

“i’m sorry.”

“don’t say that.”

“but i am, York-”

“don’t.”

“York please, i just-”

“i said don’t.”

his voice was firm, not angry, not even remotely frustrated, it was calm, and that was what triggered Carolina, the simple idea that he was being the strong one, that he had been the whole time that they had spent in this room, finally clicked. she didn’t speak, she simply curled into his embrace, ignoring the sweat, and the heat, simply lying on top of the covers, and closing her eyes, feeling strangely peaceful.

York watched her, wondering if he’d pushed it too far, wondering if he was doing it right, wondering if it worked. she had talked, more than he had expected her to, and with far less vocabulary as usual, but that was okay, everything had been okay. some things she’d said, didn’t make sense, but he didn’t want to ask her just yet, he could save those questions for later. his mind wandered to the thoughts of children they had shared earlier, it would be nice to have a child of their own. admittedly, he couldn’t give Carolina what she wanted. he couldn’t make them both whole, he couldn’t give her a functional family. but in a way, every family had it’s own bit of dysfunction, some, more than others. he raked his finger through vivid red hair, as green eyes shut. and she brushed her hand against his broken eye, smiling at the fact that he was alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, i am really proud of this. i hope you guys can agree with some of the stuff that Carolina would be "hiding" in a sense and that it makes sense with both the cannon RVB and this fanfic.


	10. Doppelganger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a bit of Grimmons and a bit of Felus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE CHAPTER!!!!

it had been a week since his outburst when Simmons returned home to, an actually neat apartment for once. although he had felt guilty, he had never taken back his words and Grif had kept his promise. a kiss on his cheek grounded Simmons back to reality as Grif stood before him with his arms outstretched.

“it’s me. the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life~” he winked.

“take me. take me now.” Simmons deadpanned, as he slid into the arms of his lover, chuckling.

“how are you?”

“fine, how was Cortana?”

“hot, as always, though not as much as you of course.”

“the apartment’s clean.”

“yes it is. are you happy?”

“extremely so.”

Simmon’s eyes roved around the room for a moment before he grinned, pointing towards a bright orange traffic cone that sat on a small shelf. “i forgot, you kept this?”

“hmm? oh you mean the thing that aaaaaaaaaalmost protected my groin from the vicious thing Church calls his wife?”

Simmons raised an eyebrow “Tex isn’t that bad anymore you realise.”  
“oh i know. doesn’t mean i don’t have the scars from it though.”

the two of them grinned

“what’s the bet that Tucker still has his sword?” Grif asked

“Grif, i’m not betting on anything. if Caboose managed to find that blasted Santa cat and then bring it home, then Tucker almost definitely has his sword.” Simmons concluded.

Grif rolled his eyes “figure of speech dumbass.”

“watch who you’re calling dumbass or there might be no dinner.”

“okay, okay, you’re not a dumbass! i really want food.”

Simmons nodded “then you shall have some, but first…”

simmons untangled himself from Grif’s arms and moved towards the lounge room, saving and pausing whatever Grif had up on screen and moving to the multiplayer menu.

“we are playing multiplayer Halo.”

  
***

Felix slammed a fist against the floor “UGH!” he yelled, shaking his fist.

Locus sighed “stop doing that, you’ll only hurt yourself.”

Felix glared at his boyfriend “you don’t get it.”

“i think i do.”

“i lost my fucking job, Locus.”

there was a tense silence

“you’re a bouncer, there are plenty of clubs that need one. you’ll find another.”

“i don’t care. look at you with your clever IT job. what am i? a fucking bouncer.”

“Felix, this isn;t worth it, besides, if you keep punching the floor Dr Grey will never treat you again.”  
“ha! i don’t need that bitch to heal me.”

“you do, actually, she’s a medical professional.”

“stop irritating me!”

“i’m not trying to.”

“well you are.”

Locus sighed, moving forward to hug Felix “i’m sorry you lost your job.” he said hugging the larger man.

“it’s fine...i can find another. i just… i needed to hear you say that.”

“you’re a big dope.”

“yeah. yeah i am.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i'm not dead! i was taking a short hiatus from writing as school has been really stressful. i'm all okay now and writing will resume as normal!


	11. why can't you see?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some Jensen/Grey feels. i don't know why but to me these two just seem to perfect together, what with Jensen's constant accidents and Grey's medical expertise (or maybe non-expertise depending on who you're talking to)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM-6fHqXvig

Katie  Jensen sat crying in Emily Grey’s apartment/surgery. Grey herself was being fairly unusual in comforting the girl on her couch as she sobbed.

 

“Katie, please, i need to know what’s wrong where does it hurt?”

 

another wail and a muffled word were all she got as more tears fell thick and fast.

 

“shh...Katie, it’ll be okay.”

 

“shtop, just shtop please.” the words were barely more than a whimper. “shtop doing this.”

 

“doing what? i don’t understand.”

 

“you’re so kind to me. you take time out of your day to talk to me, even when you’re trying to fix someone, i...please, schtop.”

 

Grey frowned “Katie… i don’t-”

 

“shtop schowing me love that i never gave you!” the outburst was quick and stifled the moment it was said

 

“Katie…”

 

“please...it hurts me.”

 

“Katie please-”

 

“i don’t deserve you. i don’t know a thing.”

 

“Katie won’t you just-”

 

“i’m losching”

 

“Katie i’m trying to-”

 

“i don’t want you to leave, but i don’t descherve you-”

 

“Katie, be reasonable-”

 

“i only have my heart to give you and i feel like thatsch not enough and-”

 

“JENSEN WILL YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!”

 

there was silence.

 

“i should know more than anyone, Katie, please understand. you don’t have to deserve me.”

 

“i-i don’t?”

 

“no. i like you as you are. there’s no reason for you to try so hard at things when i like the way you do them naturally.”

 

“but i’m a klutzch.”

 

“so? doesn’t make a difference to me. just means more band-aids.”

 

Katie mumbled something incoherent

 

“hmm?”

 

“can you schtop being so nice to me and just kisch me?”

 

  
Grey laughed and took up her offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> triple chapter update to make up for all of the time i've been away!


	12. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wash and Tucker get stuck in the rain, and learn a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omfg this is so cute.

Wash and Tucker were outside in the rain, and wash didn’t like it one bit.

“Tucker it’s freezing!”

“i don’t care! i wanna feel this!”

“we’re in the middle of a thunderstorm and you want to _feel the rain_?!”

“hell yeah! now get out from under that bus shelter and feel this shit with me!”

“why should i?”

“because it’s not everyday that we actually _feel_ the rain.”

Wash sighed and shook his head, coming out to join Tucker “i can’t believe you get me to do this, Tucker.”

“but it feels so nice! admittedly not as good as when you turn me on, but still very nice.”

“Tucker!”

“what? bow chicka bow wow.”

Wash narrowed his eyes

“i meant what i said Wash.”

Wash sighed and placed his hands on the shorter man’s shoulders “what am i supposed to do with you Lavernius?”

“i’ve absolutely no idea David.” the shorter replied, standing on tiptoe to noogie Wash’s head, except that it was only the tip of his head, he couldn’t really reach the rest.

Wash groaned “okay, now can we please find shelter?”

“sure, sure.”

they ducked into a nearby bus shelter, shivering, drenched and ultimately feeling a little silly.

“actually Wash, i know exactly what you can do with me, you can fu-”

the bus pulled up and made a rather loud noise, cutting Tucker off entirely, which made him kinda pissed.

Wash laughed “you can finish that sentence at home Tucker” Wash said, boarding the bus with Tucker following close behind.

“ugh. but i hate waiting.”

“you can put up with it.”

“but- but Waaaaaaaaash.” Tucker sounded like a whiny child, actually no correction, Tucker sounded like his own whiny child.

“you sound like Junior when we don’t let him go outside to play.”

“wait, really?”

“yeah, dude, you sound just like him.”

“holy shit.”

“my thoughts exactly.”

as the bus rolled to a stop about a block away from the apartment complex, Wash paused, grabbing Tucker’s arm.

“uh… actually, there’s something i want to do before we go inside”

“which is?”

Wash blushed, an unruly pink invading his cheeks, something that Tucker secretly thought was adorable.

“i’ve always wanted to kiss in the rain.” Wash mumbled.

“and you were complaining about me wanting to feel it.”

“shut up!”

Tucker chuckled and stepped forward, closing the gap between them “i think you’re secret love of romance is adorable Washington.” he whispered before kissing Wash tightly.

 

* * *

 

 

  
they both walked into their room with smug faces, both of them drenched. Grif leaned against the doorway to his and Simmons’s apartment and called inside “hey Simmons, come here real quick.”

Simmons made it to the door just in time to see Wash and Tucker disappear inside theirs. “shit i missed it.”

“nah, but seriously, look at those two, they seem pretty happy with themselves.” Grif said nodding at the closed door.

Simmons groaned “if i hear any groaning from behind the wall am i going to borrow Grey’s pair of soundproof earmuffs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor poor simmons.


	13. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some cute Chex and a pissed off Carolina

Allison came home after going to Errera again, one of her constant flashes had happened again, this time it was a scene with a soldier who sounded a lot like Tucker trying to flirt with her which she was ignoring. she hated it. Church was waiting for her, he had found out about her little habit a week ago.

 

Allison looked up at him and her eyes welled up “Ch-Church i’m sorry. i’m so sorry please forgive me, please i need you -hic- to forgive me, god….”

 

her words were slurred and her vision had spots. 

 

“shh.” Church said helping her make it to the bedroom “come on, it’ll be fine”

 

“n-no, Church i want, forgive, please.” she looked up at him imploringly. “leo.”

 

“Allison you need rest, you’re drunk.”

 

“i d-don’t care! i tried to forget, it was just bugging me so much, his stupid voice over and over, Church please, i’m sorry, make it go away.”

 

Church sighed and kissed her, he could taste the whiskey on her breath.

 

“you need sleep. i forgive you, it’s fine.”

 

“no, i mean, can you help me stop the memories? please, just for today. i know they’re not real but i can’t make them go away, Leo.” she was crying in his arms “i can’t make them go away. please just make them go away.”

 

she was cowering like a child in the dark, afraid of the monsters under the bed. afraid of the memories lingering in her head. 

“shh… sleep it’s all you need.”

 

“i need you.”

 

“i’ll be here it’s fine i promise.”

 

“you promise?”

 

“i promise.”

 

they hugged and for a moment, everything seemed fine. 

 

there was a knock at the door and Church sighed

 

“i’ll be back in five seconds Allison i swear.” he said, stretching as he  answered the door to Carolina.

 

“shit, Carolina what are you-?”

 

“let me help.”

 

her voice was firm the kind she used to use before everything, at the beginning of Freelancer and it made him wince.

 

“Carolina it’s not a good idea, she’s drunk and-”

 

“let. me. help.” she pushed past him and moved into their bedroom where Allison looked up.

 

“huh? Carolina why are you -hic-here?”

 

Carolina knelt beside her “you want help? you want to forget?” her voice had bitter undertones but they didn’t come through to her.

 

Allison nodded, looking at her like a child “please.”

 

Carolina sighed and shot a glare at Church before raising her hand to touch Allison’s forehead

 

Church’s eyes widened “Carolina no!” he called lunging forward but it was too late, a white light had occurred and in a flash everything was the same, Allison frowned for a moment but then smiled “thanks Carolina….”

 

Church was livid “what did you do?”

 

Carolina got up and looked at Allison sadly “i took out the memory that was bothering her…. it won’t come back.” she looked at church and resisted the urge to slap him “i want my family back,  _ dad.  _ is that too much to ask? just one fucking minute of happiness? or are you just too much of a selfish person to care about what your daughter wants?”

  
Church was stunned as she marched out of the place “wait! Carolina! please!” but it was too late, she had left.

 

Church returned back to the bedroom and returned to what he had been doing earlier, comforting his wife as he thought about the possibility of correcting a portion of Alllison's memory. so that maybe, she could remember Carolina, but nothing else.


	14. Apathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Locus is in one of his "nobody is here for a reason, nobody has a purpose, everyone dies." moods. and Felix is determined to get him out of it.

Locus was staring at the ceiling again. 

 

“please, Locus, you have to stop this.”

 

“why should i? the world is void, we’re literally just a speck of dust repeated over a million times again.”

 

“Locus, you’ve been doing this for two whole days now, you have to snap out of it.”

 

“there’s no point, no point in anything. space doesn’t care about our existence, and i don’t care about the existence and pain of everything else in the universe.”

 

“god, why does it have to be this week that you’re like this?”

 

“i don’t know, ask the infinite versions of me spread across all the plains of reality and non-reality”

 

Felix sighed, Locus didn’t do this often, but there were times when his apathy and acceptance  turned him into something that made Felix want to scream at him.

 

“will you please just listen to yourself?!”

 

“no.”

 

Felix sighed and moved so his body was hovering directly above his boyfriend’s “be reasonable.”

 

“why should i?”

 

“because i love you.”

 

Locus ignored him “sure you do. i don’t know.”

 

Felix scowled “why do you have to be such a goddamn prick, Locus!” he growled, inches away from the other man’s face as apathetic green eyes met his own caring brown ones.

 

what transpired was something that Felix swears was the weirdest and strangest thing their relationship has been through.

 

they kissed, not passionate, not heated, not soft, not anything. they just kissed. Felix slipped between knowing the man in front of him and seeing an alternate persona of death before him. it was a strange, empty and yet full thing. Locus’s apathetic and questioning behaviour made him susceptible to  thinking of how human existence is so futile. life and death was seeping through each pore of both of them.

 

when they finally separated it was with a strange mixture of thoughts.

 

“how did, how did that… ohhhhhh god i can’t think straight.” Felix said shaking his head slightly.

 

Locus looked up at him “that made no sense. at all….how is it possible for this to not be anything?”

 

Felix started to laugh “holy shit, you’re weird when you get like this.”

 

Locus just sighed and rolled his eyes “yeah, whatever.”

 

Felix grinned “oh, i am going to get you out of that stupor no matter what it takes.”

 

* * *

  
  
  


Grey was throwing various objects at the ceiling in an attempt to get Felix and Locus to stop making so much damn noise. she was trying to nap and she was tired of being woken up by badly timed moans and grunts.

 

“will you both shut up!” she called, glaring at the ceiling. 

 

the only response she got was Locus’s voice “oh, god, just skip the foreplay before i explode.”

  
Grey resolved to take naps in Jensen’s apartment from then on.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god what did i just write?


	15. Sisterly Wisdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some cute Brother and Sister feels for Kai and Grif

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was just, ahh, too cute to pass up.

“Weddings are fun!” they said “you get to see two people being the happiest!” they said.

unfortunately this is not how Grif felt about weddings. as he watched Donut (one of the barmen from Errera) kiss his newly betrothed Frank DuFrense, who was known to most of the wedding party as “Doc”.

“tough night, huh?”

the voice beside him made him jump, the familiarity of which was easy recognisable.

“yeah, i guess you could say that, Kai.” Grif sighed “Simmons couldn’t come because he’s sick, Wash is sick too, Church has personal shit with Tex, Tucker’s lost in the crowd somewhere, Carolina and York are meeting up with and i quote “North and South” so i dunno what’s up with them, and Felix and Locus don’t do weddings.”

Sister raised an eyebrow “what about Grey and The Klutz?”

“Jesen’s done something to her knee and can’t go anywhere, Grey’s busy nursing her.”

“aah.” she shrugged “weddings suck anyway, it’s just two people saying they love each other and feeling special.”

“which is why you don’t get attached to people, huh? you little pansexual weirdo.”

“exactly, well, i mean there’s Caboose, but we’re more like siblings than anything. and don’t call me a weirdo.”

“so he’s your brother when i’m not around?”

“no! it’s just more like a sibling's bond than….anything else.”

“then why are you going out?”

“so i can have an excuse if i need to get rid of someone.”

“hm, fair enough, but isn’t having a brother who was in the army a good excuse?” Grif asked

“so is having a boyfriend who was in the army, double the power.”

Grif shrugged, his eyes still fixed on the newlyweds.

“i can tell what you’re thinking.”

“oh yeah?”

“yeah, you’re wondering if you’ll ever get to do that with Simmons.”

“ wait, what?-no. no.”

“you hesitated.”

“stop being so analytical.”

“it’s true isn’t it?”

Grif rubbed his temples and leaned his head back against the pillar “so… maybe?”

“you should tell Simmons.”

“but, i don’t know how? i’m not good at this shit, i’ll…. i’ll-”

“you’re scared of fucking up, aren’t you? scared he’ll say no because of some stupid reason.”

Grif didn’t answer

“hey, look,” she spun Grif around to face her, she was much, much shorter than him but the similarity of their appearance proved everything Grif said about her.

“if i know anything about you, it’s that you’re my brother, and my brother is madly, crazily in love with Dick Simmons, he would do anything for that man. so what i suggest you do, is stop thinking so hard and just do it. just say the words, it doesn’t have to be special, there doesn’t even have to be a ring, just ask the question.”

Grif paused at his sister’s words “you think it’ll be enough?”

“please, he’s only snapped at you once.”

“who told you-?”

“Tucker.”

“oh.”

  
“if i know you, and i’m pretty sure i do, i’ll have to say that i don’t understand how you can get attached to one singular individual and let yourself get married to them, but if it’s what you want, sure, hell i’ll even turn up and give you guys a gift and actually be happy, but it’s all up to you and four little words.”

Grif smiled down at her and hugged her, somewhat awkwardly “why are you so good at relationship advice?”

“i dunno, now please let me breathe.”

he let go of her and watched as she darted into the crowd again, calling after her:

“we are definitely meeting up for coffee on friday.”

 

he thought he could hear Kai laugh but all he saw before him were the newlyweds within the crowd, a new light shining upon them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy hell, okay, i need ideas and/or prompts. 
> 
> please.


	16. To Care For The Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some Tuckington feels.
> 
> Wash is sick and Tucker looks after him, but Wash discovers more about his boyfriend because of it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double Chapter update! (possibly Triple!)

Tucker returned home from the wedding to find Wash asleep on the couch, surrounded by a heap of tissues and breathing through his mouth. his cold has got the better of him.

Tucker smiled softly, placing a blanket over his boyfriend as he collected up the tissues and put them in the bin, pausing to change out of his tux and instead into more comfortable clothes and laying beside him, stroking Wash’s cheek.

  
“mm...Tuckerrrrr, what are you doing?” Wash asked sleepily, his voice muffled both by his blocked nose and by the pillow.

“i’m being here for you.”

“but you’ll get sick, i-i don’t want you to- _achoo_ -get sick.”

“i don’t mind getting sick if i get to make you feel better, David.”

“m’alright. how was the wedding?”

“it was okay, saw Sister making out with a bunch of people, Grif was there for a while…. i don’t really know what happened to him. honestly, that wedding was probably some of the cutest shit i’ve seen.”

“oh yeah?”

“yeah. Donut and Doc went to slow dance on the dancefloor and it was so cute, it’s actually really nice to see Donut with someone he loves, it was really really sweet. not only that but they were really nice to everyone, it was one of those wedding where everything just turns out okay, y’know?”

Wash smiled “i’m sorry i missed it.” he said

“i’m sorry you missed it too, but it was better than you infecting the guests.”

  
Wash chuckled “you’re too cute for your own good, Lavernius.”

Tucker blushed “hey! i-i i mean, i’m not _that_ cute or anything… i’m not a romantic like you”

Wash chuckled and kissed his cheek “so? you can still be cute. you’ve shown you have an affection for weddings, i think that’s cute.”

Tucker blushed “yeah, yeah, shut up.”

Wash winked “bow chicka bow wow.”

Tucker just shook his head “no. Wash, stop. please, just stop while you’re ahead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why are most of these really cute? ^^


	17. A Teddy Bear's Picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a closer look into Caboose and Kai's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. i've decided on a triple chapter update because.... why not?
> 
> 2\. i don't know why, but i really really ship these guys now, mainly because of... well... you'll see.

Caboose was rifling through Kai’s fridge in search of apple juice when she returned from the wedding.

“hey Teddy.” she grinned watching for a moment.

“you don’t have apple juice, only orange juice, you need to get more apple juice.”

“okay, i will.”

“how was the wedding.”

“eh, it’s a wedding. i gave Dex love advice and made out with like…. five guys.”

“that’s nice.”

“mmhmm, how was your day at home with Santa and Freckles.”

“it was fun, we watched all the episodes of Adventure Time that you had recorded.”

Kai chuckled and ruffled his hair “it sounds like a good time buddy.”

“mmhmm...do you have cookie dough?”

“why? you wanna make cookies?”

“yeah.”

Kai sat down on the couch and began to flick through channels “you can do that, Teddy. i don’t mind.”

Caboose began searching the cupboards “Sisterrrrrr, you have too many cupboards.”

“i know, it’s a bad habit.”

“are you gonna host another party tonight? because Church wants to meet up at Errera again.”

“maybe, i mean, i can end up banging someone by the end of the night if i go to errera, or i can end up banging, like, six people by the end of the night if i host a party, and my priorities are… well….”

“okay, it would be nice if you were there though. the gang doesn’t get to see you much.”

Kai sighed “i know. i know.”

  
Caboose came to join her on the couch, a pack of choc-chips in hand as he rested his head against her shoulder.

“can we watch Spiderman? i like spiderman.”

“the cartoons or the movies?”

“both.”

Caboose reached for the DVD shelf, thumbing through them till he found the one he wanted and placed it in the player, returning to Kai afterwards, if only to use her as a human pillow. it seemed strange for such a large man to be acting so childish, but everyone else was used to it. 

Kai chuckled “okay, Teddy.”

Caboose paused “Sister, why do you call me Teddy?”

“‘cause you’re like a big fluffy teddy bear, and i love my teddy bear.”

Caboose grinned like a child who had just received their first lot of candy on halloween.

“thanks, Sister.” he smiled, offering the bag of choch chips to her as she took a few and popped them into her mouth.

“no need to thank me, just respect my wishes when it comes to fucking people.”

he laughed “you’re silly.”

Kai smiled at him and chuckled, kissing his cheek and watching a small amount of colour rising to his cheeks.

“nah, you’re sillier, Teddy. but i love you for it anyway.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaahhhhh! all the cutnessss!


	18. Doors. (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a look into Grif's mind post-wedding. going to be part of a three chapter series, starting with Grif.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was kind of inspired by one of the songs i heard in Matilda The Musical. where Miss Honey is talking about how hard it is to "knock on the door" to face her fears. 
> 
> this is very similar.

Grif bit his lip, staring straight at the apartment door.

he felt stupid.

he felt pathetic.

and weak.

and terrified.

it was a door.

just a goddamn door.

the one he’d used so many times before.

so why couldn’t he just open it?

it was like he’d been turned into mesh and marble at the same time.

a mixture of fear and loathing settling in his stomach.

there was doubt in there too.

oh, so much doubt.

the wedding had only been hours before.

oh, he was so scared. so very very scared.

not of the man behind the door. not of the place the door led to.

he was afraid of what it meant.

afraid of what it meant that he hadn’t opened it yet, afraid of what it would mean if he did.

he reached for the door handle, a shaking hand.

nothing could hurt him in there.

there was just his boyfriend, who was probably puking somewhere.

and yet-

yet.

he twisted the handle and pushed open the door to find a wave of anxiety wash over him as well, worries about whether Simmons was alright, how he’d been while Grif was away.

kind worries.

so different from what lurked inside him.

he already had a ring, even though Kai said he didn’t need one.

he’d had it for a while.

and it felt like a dragging weight up until now.

now.

well, now it just felt like a looming cloud over his head, waiting for the right place to rain.

he found Simmons curled up in bed and smiled down at him, some of his doubt ebbing away at how sweet he looked, all curled up like that.

he changed out of his tux, as other thoughts drifted.

when would he next wear it?

down the aisle?

or standing at the alter?

he pressed his thoughts aside and slid into bed with his boyfriend, hearing him whimper from the fever he had.

too soon? or too late?

Grif bit his lip again.

it was just a door.

a big, metaphorical door.

and he didn’t know whether he had the guts to open it. 


	19. Pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little trip into Simmons thought on Grif's unusual Behaviour

Simmons pretended.

 

Pretended like everything was okay.

 

It was over a week. 

 

A week was a long time.

 

And Simmons was worried. 

 

Grif had slowly been getting more and more distant, seemingly enveloped in his own world.

 

He wanted to do...something, anything to help his boyfriend.

 

But his mind was blank.

 

What could cause something like this?

 

Such a sudden shift from the man he knew and loved, into someone with constant frown lines and hesitant glances towards Simmons, afraid, almost, to look at him. 

 

What could make Grif… afraid of him?

 

It was almost like he was holding something back, as if Simmons would try to force it out of him. 

 

Or maybe it was something he was planning. 

 

But what would Grif- such a spur of the moment guy, who, as Simmons knew, was a lazy-ass with no concern for anything- be planning?

 

It made him worried when Grif would leave for long periods of time and come home late.

 

He always made excuses whenever he went out. 

 

He never used to before. 

 

Was Grif seeing someone?

 

The words scared him.

 

He didn’t want to think of that. 

 

He didn’t want to think that Grif could...could be….

 

It was hard to even process it. 

 

Was Grif  _ cheating _ ?

 

No. 

 

No, he couldn’t- he wouldn’t-

 

Would he?

 

Maybe Simmons had done something wrong.

 

Maybe, Maybe it wasn’t him, Maybe Grif just didn’t…..

 

No.

 

He didn’t want to think of that either. 

 

It was too….too much. 

 

Grif wasn’t like that, he was…

 

But Grif had changed over the past week. 

 

Grif could be anyone now.

 

Because he certainly didn’t recognise him.

 

He frowned as he felt the cold space next to him in bed. 

 

It was past 10.

 

Where was he?

 

Out sleeping with someone else?

 

Drinking?

 

Or maybe he was out asking for advice on how best to end it. 

 

He shuddered at that thought as he heard the apartment door close and Grif footsteps heading towards the bedroom. 

 

He pretended he wasn’t wondering if Grif didn’t love him anymore.

 

He pretended to be asleep. 

 

He pretended he wasn’t scared.

 

He pretended.

 

Because that’s what he’s always done. 

 

Ever since blood gulch. 

  
  
Just pretend, pretend, pretend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand, poor poor Simmons.


	20. Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grif gets a bit of a shock when his proposal goes horribly unplanned.

Grif was chewing his lip nervously.

 

This was it.

 

He was going to do it.

 

He wasn’t going to screw up.

 

Simmons wouldn’t hate him.

 

He just hoped it would be enough.

 

He opened the door in front of him, Simmons was on the couch watching TV and met his gaze, he seemed to sense that anxiety behind Grif’s gaze as his own immediately turned fearful.

 

* * *

 

This was it.

 

He was going to do it.

 

He must have screwed up.

 

Grif would hate him.

 

He stared at Grif from his position on the couch, trying to prepare himself but failing. Oh shit, this was going to hurt so, so much.

 

* * *

 

  
Grif walked towards him “Simmons… there’s…. There’s something i’ve been wanting to say, for a long time now and..and i just wanted to say-”

 

“You’re leaving me aren’t you?” Simmon’s whimpered as he paused the TV. it was the most pitiful thing Grif had ever seen and his eyes widened in shock, he had not expected this. All of his preparation was thrown askew.

 

  
Simmons looked at Grif’s shocked expression, and was very confused.

 

“A-aren’t you?” He asked now confused himself.

 

He watched as Grif fumbled for a moment and shook his head.

 

“Fuck no, god, that’s almost the exact opposite of-” he broke off and seemed to regain his composure as he dropped to one knee, fumbling with something in his pocket.

* * *

 

 

Grif pulled out the tiny box, his hands were shaking, even in his disbelief at Simmons earlier words “for fuck’s sake,” it was a terrible start to a marriage proposal but he’d gone this far, in for a penny in for a pound i guess.

 

“For fuck’s sake, Dick, will you marry me?”

 

  
There was a beat. A pause that neither of them would forget.

 

Simmons started to laugh “holy shit! Yes!” His grin was the biggest that Grif had seen in a long while as he hugged him.

 

“Woah, don’t know me over! I can unbalance really easily here!”

 

“I thought, god, i thought you were going to leave me, i-i thought…you were so distant, and leaving for so long and….”

 

“You’re an idiot, Simmons, i was worried about screwing this stupid thing up, which i kinda did anyway, but, i wanted this to be perfect.”

 

“It is perfect.”

 

“When i was leaving, i… i was actually going to see Kai. she’s been giving me advice this whole time.”

 

Simmons looked confused for a moment “your sister? But… how can she be any good at love advice when she’s, i mean….”

 

“I know, but she’s surprisingly helpful.”

 

The two of them sat there, grinning for a moment, Simmons had the ring on his finger and Grif felt surprisingly proud.

 

“I love you, Dexter.”

 

The words came out of nowhere, the TV was muted and Simmons was speaking directly to him. Not the usual sort of mumbled romance that Grif was used to, Simmons seemed to, actually be confident, almost proud in saying it.

 

“I love you too, Dick.” Grif chuckled as Simmons gave him one of his infamous crooked grins.

 

“What do you think everyone else will say?”

 

“Screw them, we have each other right?”

 

Simmons laughed, and it was the most beautiful sound of the whole evening.

 

“Of course we do, we always have each other.”

 

* * *

 

There was no more door.

 

There was no need to play pretend.

  
There was just them.

 

* * *

 

 

*Bonus scene*

 

Tucker and Simmons stood in the elevator, both of them, surprisingly, had gone down to get the mail at the same time, and Tucker couldn't help glancing at Simmons's hand.

 

"soooo...." he said absently "which one of you popped the question?"

 

"who does it look like? Grif did." Simmons said rolling his eyes and holding up his left hand.

 

"shit..." Tucker muttered

 

"what?"

 

"i owe Wash twenty bucks."

 

"you... you guys were betting on us?!"

 

"well, yeah, i mean, Church started this whole thing because Sister told him about how Grif was panicking about it all at the wedding so...."

 

"wait, wait, everyone's been betting on us?!"

 

"well, duh! i mean, it's about time you guys got your shit together! hell, i still remember when you guys first admitted you were gay for each other remember? you two were on the pelican arguing about some shit or other when Grif said "you know what, if you're going to be like this every time i complain then i might re-consider asking you out!" and you were like "oh yeah? well go, on, ask me out then, i've been crushing on you since blood gulch and you never fucking noticed!" it was the best moment we'd ever seen. you guys made out for the rest of the trip home, remember?"

 

"yeah, yeah, i remember." Simmons said, a soft pink tinting his cheeks at the mention

 

"well, anyway, see you guys in Errera tonight, yeah? to celebrate? Bow Chicka Bow Wow, y'know what i'm saying?"

 

"Tucker shut up."

 

"fine, fine." Tucker said, getting out of the elevator. "see ya Simmons, tell your hubby-to-be that i'm proud of him!" he winked before disappearing inside his own door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay!


	21. Memories Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Church makes a decision that will ultimately change his course of life forever.

Church had been thinking, thinking for far too much. 

 

Carolina was right. The three of them, they were so fucked up. 

 

So very, very fucked up. 

 

Carolina had never really met her mother.

 

Every child should at least get to. 

 

He was a selfish old man. 

 

He stood up, pacing, he had been pacing a lot lately, it was making Tex jumpy and twice she’d accidentally used a speed slowing spell on him. 

 

He wanted to do it. 

 

Not just for the sake of his daughter but for his own, and Tex’s wellbeing as well. 

 

It was only fair. 

 

Only fair that she remembered having a daughter called Carolina Church, leaving as on ODST, using the Omega Spell, getting lost and then returning, only to find that she had found her daughter again. 

 

It seemed fairy-tale like, almost.

 

It was right. The right thing to do. 

 

The only question, was how? Carolina might have a spell, but, if not then…. He really didn’t know. It would take a lot of time, almost too much time. He didn’t exactly have that much time to think. Not like this. 

 

He sighed, moving over and wrapping an arm around Tex.

 

“You remember our daughter, right?” He said softly

 

“Yeah… i can’t remember her name… exactly...you said she was studying, overseas right?”

 

“Yeah, well, what if i told you she wasn’t actually studying overseas.”

 

Tex frowned “Church?” She asked, in the voice she used when she knew he was hiding something and was prepared to beat the shit out of him to get it. 

 

“There are, some things i haven’t exactly been telling you, Allison.”

 

“Church, i swear to god, if you’ve been fucking with my memories-”

 

“It’s Carolina, Allison. That’s our daughter.”

 

His words created a silence so full of electricity, anger and confusion, that if anyone else had been there they would have run.  

 

“Leonard Church, you lying son of a bitch.” Tex growled. 

 

“She wasn’t studying overseas, she’s been here. With York. i didn’t want you to know because, i just thought, i mean… god, if i’d told you when i originally found you. I...i don’t know what would have happened.”

 

“I don’t care!” Tex roared, easily heard through the wall. “YOU LIED TO ME!”

 

“ I KNOW! I’m sorry.”

 

SORRY DOESN’T CUT IT WHEN YOU’VE BEEN FUCKED OVER FOR YEARS!”

 

“I DIDN'T LIE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE! WHY WOULD YOU SUSPECT ME OF LYING TO YOU ANYWAY?!”

 

“BECAUSE OF THESE FUCKING FLASHBACKS AND MEMORIES THAT DON’T FIT IN! THEY DON’T MAKE SENSE!” Her breathing was shaky “i thought, i thought that maybe… maybe you’d done something to my memories, i mean, they all make sense, i just… i’m just confused and….it just didn’t make sense why i’d be seeing these memories.”

 

“Omega aftershocks.” Church said matter-of-factly “fake memories preduced by the aftershocks of the Omega spell, you’re fine.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

Another pause. 

 

“So...you mean, Carolina as in… the one next door. She’s my… our….” She cringed as a familiar scene replayed in her mind. She was leaving on the ship, Church was holding a baby with small tufts of red hair, so like her own, before she dyed it. He was making the small child wave. 

 

“Say “bye-bye” Carolina, your mommie’s leaving for a while, but she’ll be back.” Church was grinning

 

The memory ended as soon as it had come. 

 

“Why did you hide this from me?”

 

“I didn’t want you to try and…. Immediately treat her like a child, she never really met you and you couldn’t remember her that well. She’s an adult now. We can’t treat her like a child. Especially not now.”

 

Almost as if on cue, there was a knock. 

 

“I’ll get it.” Tex said, with an instructing gaze that made Church sit back down from where he had tried to get up. 

 

The door opened and, as if she’d known they were talking about her, there stood Carolina. 

 

“I heard yelling, you guys alright?”

 

Tex started tearing up “mmhmm, we’re fine, come in, actually, we were just talking about you.”

 

Carolina raised an eyebrow “you were, were you?” Her eyes roamed over to Church who was clearly freaking out, he walked over to her and muttered 

 

“i told her. You said you wanted a family, i gave you one. I hope you’re happy.”

 

It took a minute for Carolina to process the words, before she started to laugh. 

 

“Holy shit, you’re joking. Not after all the work you’ve done. You wouldn’t just-”

 

She was cut across by Tex. 

 

“I missed you, i missed you and i didn’t know why, and now i know.” She was crying. 

 

Carolina stopped, looking between her two parents wondering if she should run. All her instincts were telling her this was incorrect, she was being scammed, something was wrong. 

 

Tex moved forward and Carolina didn’t move, even when the older woman’s arms embraced her. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Tex whispered. 

 

It was all Carolina had wanted to hear. 

 

There was no crying, no dramatic affair, just the simple “i know.”

 

Church watched them both, smiling as his wife cried on his daughter’s shoulder. 

 

He felt he had done something... _ right _ for once. 

 

Carolina smiled “i missed you two.” Her eyes turned to Church with a bittersweet look in them 

 

“ _ Both  _  of you.”

 

It was a strange sort of sadness, the truth. 

 

No one could fix what they had. 

 

Church was still guilty as ever

 

Tex was still unknown to her memories

 

Carolina was still annoyed at both her parents. 

 

But for now there was family. 

 

However broken it was. 

 


	22. I Can Hear The Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WEDDING TIME!

Grif stood in the lobby of the auditorium, watching in a slight panic as his wedding descended into chaos, and it hadn’t even started yet.

 

Tucker had spiked the punch, Kai had spiked the desserts (“what? Weed is supposed to go in brownies!”) despite being “best man”, Carolina and Tex were arguing, Church and Caboose were yelling so loud he was worried they might get kicked out (mainly because Caboose refused to put away the toy car he’d brought and Church told him he had to.), York and Washington were in a corner placing bets on who got drunk first (York was betting on Tucker, Wash had his eyes on the soon-to-be newlyweds.), Sarge was trying to bully his way into being made the minister (at which he was failing because he had brought six pistols with him to the wedding.) and Doc, Grey and Jensen were discussing whether it would be okay to try a “medical experiment” during the wedding reception.

 

It was a goddamn nightmare, and Grif had just started questioning whether he should have kept the wedding small when Simmons walked out of a side door, wearing a white tux and accompanied by Donut (his chosen “bridesmaid” simply because Simmons had no clue what he was doing when it came to weddings.)

 

“Shit, you look good.” He murmured, walking towards Simmons.

 

“Do i really? I’ve never exactly like white, always preferred maroon.”

 

“Shut up, you look amazing.”

 

“Thanks.” As much as he tried Simmons couldn’t hide his blush and Donut’s sigh of “awww!” Had attracted the rest of the wedding party.

 

“Wait until the honeymoon guys! Bow chicka bow wow~”

 

“Tucker, will you please just shut the fuck up until the reception, when you’re drunk enough to not be annoying.”

 

“Church, at least pay some respect to my boyfriend.”

 

“No, Church is right, Tucker needs to shut up.”

 

“Mo-Tex you can’t just stop talking to me to try and ignore what i’m saying!”

 

“‘Lina, calm down!”

 

“What?! Someone say something ‘bout “damn clowns”?!”

 

“Sarge, i think you need get your hearing checked.”

 

“Someone say something about hearing checked? Oh i can do that! Caboose, whose ears did you say?”

 

“No way! I’m going to the one checking thankyou, Grey, i did all of my medical experience with the original Blood Gulch members, therefore i know what Sarge needs more than you do.”

 

“Schomeone shay scharge wasch here?”

 

The party was interrupted by an extremely girlish squeal of delight.

 

“Dex!” A figure dashed through the crowd and attached to Grif so tightly it nearly knocked him over

 

“Woah! What the-?”

 

Kai was hugging Grif, actually hugging him, not in the usual way she did where she just kind of stood close to him, it was like she was actually happy for him..

 

“Dex! God, you look so....right.”

 

“Right how?”

 

“You’re just-”she broke off seemingly unable to finish the sentence. “I’m going to miss you.”

 

Grif frowned slightly “how will you miss me, you live one house away from the apartment.”

 

“It’s not like that. I’ll… i’ll miss who you were.”

 

It took a moment for that to settle in

 

“I’ll miss it too.”

 

Kai turned to Simmons who immediately jumped at her gaze “when i first met you, you were a grey armoured idiot.”

 

“Uh, maroon, actually.”

 

“Well i saw grey, colorblind remember? anyway, Simmons i only have one word of advice for you.”

 

She stepped closer towards him and glared.

 

“Don’t hurt my brother.”

 

Simmons placed a hand on Grif’s shoulder and squeezed “i wouldn’t dare.”

 

Kai looked at the both of them and smiled “don’t fuck up the married life guys, or else i get all the bragging rights as to why my lifestyle’s a million times better.”

 

She walked away, a slight sashay in her step due to the bubblegum pink dress she was wearing, which was also unusual for her, she would normally wear a tux to weddings, and normally she would wear some form of yellow.

 

Simmons turned to Grif, his eyes twitching slightly “your sister is still as weird as ever.”

 

“Nah, she’s getting more sweet… kinda. Okay so she may have o\put weed in the brownies.”

 

“You tell me this now?!”

 

“This place has been a nightmare for the past half an hour since you came, let me bask in the light of my saviour Dick Simmons.”

 

“I am not helping you with this. And i am not going to try and replace the brownies, people can just eat them with weed and we won’t.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

Most of the wedding party was still watching the two with a strange mixture of awe and head shaking.

 

“Just… god, now i see why you’re getting married.” Church mutters, rolling his eyes, “even me and Tex weren’t this bad.”

 

“If you keep being this goo-goo for each other i worry about the honeymoon. Bow chicka bow wow.”

 

“Tucker, will you please just stop for a minute? At least until the reception?” Wash asked

 

“Fine, fine. Just making this wedding a little more fun.” The dreadlocked man mumbled

 

Half an hour later and both of the newlyweds were panicking. The guests had doubled, they hadn’t been kicked out and slowly, everything was starting to settle. Grif’s  heart was beating at a million miles an hour and he was terrified, even more so than when he proposed, of fucking something up.

 

The moment the music started up, all eyes were drawn to the back, Donut and Doc walked out first, and Kai nudged Grif just that little bit to tell him that it would be okay. He wasn’t sure  if he believed her.

 

After a short time out of came Simmons, still dressed in his white tux and grinning like an idiot the moment his eyes laid on Grif. he was being escorted down the aisle by Sarge, seeing as how Simmons’s own parents weren’t coming to the event, and Simmons had always seen Sarge as some weird form of a father anyway. Grif could easily remember Simmons trying to meet up to Sarge’s demands and always messing up somehow.

 

As Simmons reached the altar he grinned.

 

“Hey.” he muttered

 

“Hey….” Grif’s unsteady return.

 

The minister spoke though Grif hardly heard any of it, it was only at the mention of vows that he actually registered anything.

 

Grif spoke in a voice that was shaky with emotion:

 

“Dick, when we were sent to Blood Gulch, you were an idiot, an idiot placed in maroon armour who had daddy issues. You drove me more insane than i could ever describe. I hated to love you and loved to hate you, from day 1. All through Chorus, through everything actually. It wasn’t until the Pelican home that i just had to mention it, i couldn’t keep it quiet when i was so close to losing contact with you forever. Little did i know what was to come.”

 

Simmons smiled and spoke, his tone far more clear:

 

“Dexter, you were a lazy ass when we met. You had no consideration for rules and i was amazed you were in the army in the first place. Sure, i wasn’t perfect either, but compared to you, at least i actually did things. I loathed every part of you, and yet my mind couldn’t help wandering, thinking “why?” When you finally brought it up on the pelican home, i was too angry to process it and blurted out my own feelings without noticing, it only took a heartbeat to confirm anything and everything. I love you.”

 

Rings were slipped onto fingers and within too fast of a time, they were kissing and time seemed to stop all there was was Simmons, and it was so so good.

 

When the applause had stopped and the party had moved onto food (god knows how many people had already tried the punch.) the members of the V&R crowded around the couple.

 

“Firscht in the complex to be married! Well done guysh!” Jensen beamed

 

Simmons gave Grif a grin that simply said “wait till the honeymoon.”

 

i n all honesty Grif had never seen Simmon’s be so… confident, about anything. It was like they’d switched personalities, and he didn’t know whether to be alarmed for relieved.

 

Wash and Tucker had just finished handing over their presents, which Wash had continually denied to be sex toys, although Tucker kept hinting, when Carolina and York came by.

 

“God, what on earth did Tucker put in that punch, my head is spinning.”

 

York frowned “please don’t puke.”

 

“I’m not going to puke. C’mon, we need to give congrats.”

 

The two were soon standing before the newlyweds “okay, so this is a really bad start, but we probably left your presents back at the apartments….”

 

“By probably he means definitely.”

 

“‘Lina! You’re not helping!”

 

“Congrats you guys, now, i’m going to sit do-own.” The small slur in her speech gave away Carolina’s obvious tipsy state.

 

York sighed “sorry for ruining your night.”

 

Simmons laughed “ruin? York, have you seen how many people are drunk tonight? We don’t care.”

 

Grif blinked “wow, i think this might be the first time you’ve not cared about something.”

 

“Yes, and it feels wonderful.”

 

“See? This is what you missed out on in Blood Gulch.”

 

“God, i wish we kept some of those things that made you invisible….”

 

“Why?”

 

Simmons smirked “because Invisible sex is the best sex of all~”

 

“God, don’t tell me you had punch too….”

 

“Maybe~”

  
Grif sighed “fine, let me have a glass before the night ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took forever to write, so, sorry for the long wait, more chapters to come!


	23. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some Felcus feels. :)

Felix and Locus didn’t do weddings. The loud noise and multiple people made Locus uneasy and jumpy, the mindless chit chat and boredom and weddings were what made felix dread those cute little frilly invitations. 

 

They were just glad that the other apartment members knew that. 

 

As much as the two were happy for the two Red Team idiots they simply couldn’t stand the wedding or anything to do with it.  

 

“Hey, Felix?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Do you wonder if we’ll ever get married?”

 

“Sometimes i do, why?”

 

“I was just wondering, i mean…. We don’t like weddings.”

 

“No, we don’t.”

 

“So then why would we want to get married?”

 

“I don’t know, it’s a milestone, i guess?”

 

Locus shrugged and sat beside Felix on the couch “i’m just saying, like, do we really have to?”

 

“No. i mean, i don’t particularly want to, and i know you don’t want to, so there’s no argument.”

 

Locus leaned on Felix and looked up at him “how can you love me?”

 

Felix was taken aback “where did this come from?”

 

“Answer the question, Felix.”

 

Felix shrugged “i just do, i don’t know how, all i know is that i do.”

 

Locus sighed “i’m so difficult though, you’ve said it yourself, i’m difficult, i’m hard work, and i’m hard to please….”

 

“So? I like that about you. It makes the challenge worthwhile when i can see you smile.”

 

“That’s so cheesy.”

 

“Yeah, it is cheesy.”

 

“You’re so cheesy.”

 

“I like cheesy.”

 

Locus laughed softly “good, stay that way.”

 

Felix leaned down and kissed Locus’s forehead “don’t think too much, okay? I don’t want you to overthink everything again.”

 

“You know i will anyway.”

 

“Yeah, just not here, not now. I’m content now, we’re content now.”

 

Locus stared at the ceiling for a moment “you frustrate me sometimes, because you find it hard to understand.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I guess it would be, for someone on the outside.”

 

“Shh... it’s okay, i don’t mind.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t say that, you can’t help it, and i love you anyway.”

 

They stayed like that for a long while. Simply talking, until the sun had ducked beneath the clouds and the apartment was slowly growing darker. 

 

Just words. 

  
The most useful things of all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so, throughout the series i felt as though Locus was always the one coming up with ideas and Felix was just the follow through, so i started to question why that was. my answer was this: Locus could have a mental illness. this may not seem all that reliable, but it always seems like Felix is being the supporter for Locus, even though Locus seems really independent, so out of the many reasons i came up with, i chose this. i get that this is a pretty serious topic but i feel as though this should be approached, with Locus's personality and is something that should be addressed, because it is part of society and is a serious thing, not only for those who have them but for those who are the supporters of these people. 
> 
> i have some personal experience on this topic, so before you start calling me "insensitive", i do know what i'm talking about.


	24. Kaikaina's Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little trip inside Kai's head.

Sure, her lifestyle was…. Unusual. 

 

Sure, it wasn’t the easiest to condone with. 

 

Sure, she was used to having people fall for her, only to have her reject them. 

 

Sure, she’s fallen in love before. 

 

Sure, she’s convinced herself out of it before. 

 

It was unconventional…… and… and annoying… and….uh…. A lot of other thing she didn’t want. 

 

Yeah. 

 

She was sure that it would have been bad anyway. 

 

She can’t even remember her name.  _ Yes she can.  _

 

She‘s perfectly happy with this lifestyle.  _ She’s doubted it sometimes, when the heartache is too much. She wonders if it’s really worth it. _

 

She’s happy for Grif and Simmons, hell, she even wore a dress to their wedding, and she had a good time, she spiked the brownies, sure, but that was fun!  _ She was jealous. Happy, yes, it was her brother for god’s sake, but she couldn’t help wondering… _

 

She likes Caboose as a sibling, or a friend, he’s funny, and he doesn’t mind her lifestyle.  _ He also doesn’t mind her outbursts, or the times when she starts crying on his shoulder for no apparent reason, although she knows why. She’s thankful he doesn’t ask why.  _

 

She likes Simmons enough as a brother-in-law, although she does miss the two idiots now that they're on their honeymoon.  _ She hopes they’re happy, happier than she is. Her inner turmoil and debate as to whether she should tell Grif and how she denies that voice every time.  _

 

Sure, she hosts parties. She likes the music and the people.  _ She won’t admit that it’s a desperate attempt to find her again. Even though she knows she won’t turn up. _

 

Sure, Lopez turns up every night she hosts one, the spanish idiot who she enjoys for the sex and not much else.  _ He’s the closest she can get when it comes to someone like her.  _

 

Sure, she finds weddings boring.  _ If only because they remind her of the life she could have chosen.  _

 

She loves the Reds and Blues and ex-Freelancers, they’re like her very large and distinct family.

 

She loves seeing them, even if it’s not often. 

 

She even loves how annoying they get. 

 

Kaikaina Grif likes her lifestyle. 

 

It gives her an ample opportunity to date a lot of people at once. 

 

_ Kaikaina Grif likes her lifestyle but she doubts it.  _

 

_ It gives her an ample opportunity to date a lot of people at once, hoping to fall in love again, hopefully with more than one person.  _

 

It means booze, and happiness and fun. 

 

_ It means apple juice, and crying, and regret.  _

 

She has a lot of skills in life. She has a good personality and great looks. 

 

She’s just not as much of an airhead as she likes to portray. 

 

Sure, her lifestyle is unusual. 

 

But she likes it. 

 

She likes a lot of things. 

  
_ But it’s what she loves that brings her down.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> open for interpretation! tell me what you think!


	25. Weirdo's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bit of Grey/Jense fluff

Grey was sitting in Jensen's apartment with her girlfriend’s head in her lap. 

“Hey, katie…”

“Yesh?”

“You… you don’t think i’m crazy, do you?”

“No.”

“Good… that’s….that’s comforting.”

“Why?”

“No reason.”

Jensen sat up at looked the other woman in the face 

“Emily, i can tell when you’re lying to me.”

“Well, i mean, as much as i’m the medical professional..i….people think i’m crazy, i’m not…”

“I know you’re not. It’sch okay.”

“Don’t lie.”

There was a pause between them at Jensen’s eyes widened and Grey’s turned to steel

“Don’t lie to me, katie. I’m a freak aren’t i? All of my experiments...i want to test medicines! That’s what doctors do! But i’m a freak.”

“E-Emily-”

“Don’t lie.”

“Emily i don’t think you’re crazschy. Please...stop this… everyone likes you, i know they do.”

Grey watched the woman across from her, seeking some sort of validation

“I mean it. I mean look at me, i’m aschident prone and clumschy and a kutzsch and people make fun of me.”

Grey sighed and held Jensen close to her “i know...we’re both messed up.”

“But i like your way of mesching up, Grey, i like it a lot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double chapter update!


	26. Double Edged Sword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She swallowed thickly and ran a hand through her crimson hair.
> 
>  
> 
> “Fuck…” she murmured, grimacing and closing her eyes “fuck. Fuck it all!” she said, in a voice more broken than she wanted to admit.

Carolina blinked, her heart beating fast in her chest. She felt sick almost, dizzy and unsure as a cold sweat ran down her neck. 

 

Was this supposed to be… happy? Upsetting? Both?

 

She'd wanted this....

 

But she'd also not wanted this....

 

It’s not like this was planned…. It had been… oh god, months, at least. 

 

And then last week….

 

Last night….

 

She was drunk, there was no way. 

 

Maybe it was just the wedding vibes that had been running through everyone ever since Simmons and Grif returned from their honeymoon?

 

She swallowed thickly and ran a hand through her crimson hair. 

 

“Fuck…” she murmured, grimacing and closing her eyes “fuck. Fuck it all!” she said, in a voice more broken than she wanted to admit. 

 

She was a soldier, top of the ranks. 

 

She was broken, more than she could even say. 

 

She was a girlfriend, an idiot in love with a ghost

 

She was longing to be….

  
  


“No, no, fuck, stop crying!” she murmured to herself, but it was no use as tears ran thick and fast down her face, unable to identify what emotion they were coming from. 

 

Is this what Tex felt like?

 

Is this what Church felt like?

 

She stared at her knees, willing herself to try and work through her feelings. Her soldier’s slash intuition was off by a mile and everything seemed all wrong. She couldn’t work it out and her mind was screaming with confusion. 

 

A knock on the bathroom door brought her out of her reverie

 

“Hey, ‘Lina, you okay?”

 

She swallowed again “yeah….i’m….” she couldn’t bring herself to form the words. 

 

From the other side of the door, he frowned. She had left him in the living room twenty minutes ago and he was starting to get worried.

 

“‘Lina?” he called again

 

His mind was racing, was she ill? In pain? Upset?

 

She’d been upset a lot lately. 

 

Was she just tired from hanging out with the reds and blues last week when they celebrated Grif and Simmons returning from their honeymoon?

 

Was she still hungover from the drinks they’d had with North and South?

 

Or was it something else entirely?

 

The door opened to reveal a dishevel Carolina, looking up with an unreadable expression at a confused York. tear tracks were still visible on her cheeks as she ran a hand through her hair again.

 

“Carolina? Are you okay?”

 

There was a pause, she bit her lip and seemed to be debating something until she pressed something firmly into York’s palm, and whispered something he almost didn’t catch. 

 

His eyes widened as he stared at what she’d pressed into his hand, he blinked and then smiled at the thin pink stick with the tiny red lines on it as Carolina said it again, her voice still barely above a whisper. 

 

“I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all! sorry for my abscence from this fic (as much as i love it) several things have cropped up and i had to set this aside for a while, howeverm hopefully updates will be coming back


	27. Night's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "have you ever had a dream  
> that your favorite baby's drowning  
> and you grab him by his sweater sleeve and pull him up on to the ground and  
> you can hear the water slosh around inside his tiny gut  
> push his belly up and down but he can't cough the water up  
> suddenly a flood comes out his mouth till there is nothing left inside of him  
> he's empty now  
> there isn't even one small breath  
> and he goes limp in your arms  
> all the people's mouths are moving  
> all you hear are car alarms  
> and you wake up and start to cry"
> 
> \- My Mom - Kimya Dawson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Kimya Dawson's My Mom. 
> 
> look her song up it's very very good.

Tucker jerked awake, looking around in a panic as he started to cry, sobs pouring from his throat, unable to be stifled. Wash stirred sleepily, sitting up and putting the bedside light on. 

 

“Tucker? Shit, are you okay?”

 

Tucker didn’t respond, he seemed to fold in on himself as his sobs increased in measure. Wash wrapped his arms around Tucker, laying back down as Tucker leant into his embrace. Out of the two of them Wash was physically larger and Tucker had mentioned before about how he felt secure and safe within them, Even if Wash was the puppy-eyed romantic and Tucker was the go-getter in their relationship. As Tucker’s sobs quietened Wash closed his eyes focussing on simply holding him, of never letting go even if he said he was okay. 

 

“Wash?” the name bubbled on Tucker’s lips, her eyes wet, and his body shaking. He sounded strained, desperate. 

 

“Yeah, Tucker?” Wash said, concern laiden with calm, easily hidden. 

 

“Please don’t let go. Please, please promise me you won’t let me go.”

 

“I won’t let go. I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Silence fell between them for a moment, neither of them asked, neither of them answered, they simply sat, waiting for the other.

 

“I...i dreamt that Junior drowned.”

 

Wash nodded “i see.”

 

“He just… he wouldn’t get up again...he just lay there… a-and then...when i took him to the hospital i found out you had tried to save him and...and….”

 

“Take your time, it’s okay.”

 

“And you were….you’d….and i….”

 

Wash held Tucker tighter “i’m not going anywhere. Junior is just down the hall, you can hear him talk in his sleep.” he stroked his cheek softly “it’s okay, Tucker. It was a dream. A horrible dream.”

 

“Wash?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I love you so fucking much.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“Can you….can you hold me? Till i fall asleep again?” he sounded like a small child afraid of the dark, scared and vulnerable. 

 

“Of course, Lavernius.”

 

“David, i wouldn’t be able to take it if you died.”

 

“That’s why i’m here.” he said grabbing Tucker’s hand and placing it over his beating heart, pumping blood through him, keeping him alive. “Because i promise you. Dying is the last thing i’ll ever do.”

  
  
  
  
  
  



	28. Sarge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "crying to god you scream out "why?!"   
> "stop this already!" you just whine  
> "will you suck it up now? this fate can not be unwound."

Sarge was used to this.

the feel of dirt under his skin.

the feel of his face pressed into dirt, a boot on the other side of his scalp.

the taste of blood from biting his tongue when he hit the earth.

the sneer of the enemy. 

the blast of gunfire.

he was an old man, serving drinks in a bar. 

trying to settle the drunken fights and rampages in the most peaceful way he can.

he was used to being the weak one.

the coward.

ha. 

how many times had he heard that name?

"coward"

the boot pressed deeper into his head, grinding dirt into his admittedly already matted hair. 

he was blonde with dark streaks at the roots of his hair. 

he was young.

he was stupid.

he was a coward.

"Please..." he croaked, a voice that he would soon come to identify with old age.

the man above him smirked and laughed, more of a shriek really. 

"please what, Coward?"

"Please...y-you've kill us all.. why leave me? just end it."

the man chuckled "look at you, you're pathetic...look, the other men were strong, not strong enough. they were better than you, you know."

the man moved so they were face to face, a gun now against Sarge's temple, he wasn't known as Sarge back then.

"I'm going to train you, you hear me, Coward? i'm going to make you better than them, better than all of them."

he whimpered, crying again. 

"you'll be my experiment."

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarge took down another glass from the counter, starting to wipe it.

"you okay there? Sarge?" a hand was placed on his shoulder

"hm? what? nah, nah, m'fine son. just remembering some things."

Donut frowned with concern, something he'd seen in everyone's eyes at least once. 

"are you sure?"

Sarge met his gaze as he heard Tucker froma cross the bar

"such a damn coward, i tell ya-"

"don't call me Coward." Sarge growled, only loud enough for Donut to hear "Call me John."

he sighed, the sigh of someone who had seen too many things, whose eyes were full of broken lives, whose skin was filled with the matted dirt, whose face had the remnants of a boot pressed into it, whose ears were filled with screaming and gunshots, and whose mouth was filled with blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates! things have been hectic lately, and i've finally managed to get some ideas :)


	29. Sunsets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters till this lovely fic comes to a close, it's sad to see it go, but hopefully you'll be able to follow me on with my other fics. 
> 
> this chapter is some more tuckington feels.

Tucker glanced at Wash as they made their way through the doors of the apartment block, arms laden with shopping. Wash hadn't spoken since a mumbled "morning" at 7:00am before they both left for work. 

"Wash, you okay?" Tucker asked

Washington binked and seemed to be slowly pulling himself out of....whatever state of mind he was in. 

"yeah...i'm pretty good, Tucker."

"you've been quiet lately..."

"just, thinking."

Tucker frowned "it's the date isn't it?"

"i don't know what you're talking about." Wash said, seeming far more tense

"it's the date that Freelancer went bust, isn't it? that's why you've been quiet all day today that's why-"

"i don't want to talk about this, Tucker."

silence fell between them as they walked up the stairs, past the broken elevators, up and up and up.

"please....i don't want you to be like this....just talk about this..."

"Tucker, you have no idea."

Tucker sighed "please, wash i just-"

Wash didn't say anything, just pushing past him to unlock their apartment door.

the door shut behind him, leaving Tucker on the outside of the door, and leaving him stuck inside his own head, like he always had been, curling on the floor. 

he needed to be alone.


	30. Green eyed and small

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "goodnight, goodnight sweet baby  
> the world has more for you  
> than it seems  
> goodnight, goodnight  
> let the moonlight take the lid off your dreams"
> 
> \- Lullabye by Ben Folds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small surprise for those who enjoy Yorkalina as much as i do :)
> 
> The Final chapter in our lovely series and a sad and yet relieved farewell to the members of Violet and Rose Apartments. 
> 
> However stay tuned as i will be (hopefully) including a new Fic series (one with a bit more plot to it this time) and i'll be more than happy to link anyone who's interested.

the days when York came home to silence were treasured.

the days when he found Carolina, half asleep on the couch, hair mussed and jumpy at even the slightest touch.

the days when he sat beside her and they glorified in the silence.

the days when Carolina had the time to take down her spellbook and work her magic on the small silvery cuts appearing in his limbs, making him whole, and new again.

the days when the soft sounds of crying jerked them both awake, they would meet eyes, and eventually one of them would give in to the late hour and look after the child.

they were so small. so breakable.

with small tufts of hair, one brown, one red, and huge bright eyes, one green, one blue.

they were many many many things.

the days that he came home to find Carolina nursing one or both of them, he couldn't help but smile.

the days when Simmons, Grif, Tucker, Wash and anyone within the small apartment block knocked on the door and asked them to quiet the noise if they could.

normally they couldn't.

green eyes and brown hair, blue eyes and red hair.

Carolina nursing the small babies with a smile

York loved these days.

  


  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Carolina loved the days when York would be home for a weekend.

when the twins would get to sleep in time enough for some couch TV and a good night's sleep. 

when the soft hum of the night light had become a comfort that would be sorely missed

when the search for baby supplies sent them rampant throughout the apartment, only to laugh when they were exactly where they hadn't been moments before.

when Church or Tex came over and spent the day with them, grins plastered over their faces as the tiny children stared up in wonderment at new faces, Church had cried the first time. 

when Tucker and Wash came over and, upon holding one of the twins in his arms, Tucker had smiled softly and rambled on about Junior for ages, until, when they eventually had to leave, he looked up at them all, rather owlishly, as if he didn't know they'd been there. And after transferring the child back into the arms of Carolina he kissed Wash, square on the mouth and hard, leaving the other flushed and embarrassed as Carolina and York chuckled for their friend's sake. 

when Grif and Simmons came by to check up on things only for Simmons to become so enthralled in the babies' various array of expressions that Grif had to practically drag him out of the apartment. 

when Sister came over, grinning and asking for beer which she was not given, and Caboose appearing moments later and absolutely squealing when he saw the twins, holding them even gentler than either of their parents did, something strange soft for such a large man. 

  


the nights when she and York would just watch each other, and think "how did we get here? how did we ever end up this lucky?"

  


\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Grif happened to have a great appreciation for Simmons when it came to injuries. 

his husband, as he found out, was actually quite adept at managing to find out when you were faking to be okay when you actually had a broken ankle, and then patching the said ankle up. 

it was just one of  _those things_

one of the things that just set him right. that made the world right. that made so many things right he couldn't possibly name them all. 

actually. he had just two words for it. 

"Dick Simmons"

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leonard Church watched as Allison, for the first time in years, used a spell to tidy the place up. 

in actuality, she'd been in far better control of her magic more and more and Church was starting to wonder whether it was benefits of having grandchildren. 

he had no clue. but by seeing her wander around the place, humming, smiling. 

it was more than he could ever hope for. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tucker found out one week after an angry text from his ex that Junior was here to stay. 

Junior had, at first, been staying for the weekend, but then the weekend turned into a lot longer than the weekend.

Wash didn't mind, after all, the kid was responsible enough and fairly cheerful. he could get used to that.

Tucker had been ecstatic, as had Junior, it really was an adorable thing to watch. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Felix grinned as he walked in the door "guess who just got a new job?"

Locus looked up from his book "you did?"

"yep!" he grinned "Errera hired me, actually. apparently their old bouncer quit, so now i got the job."

"good for you." Locus smiled

Felix made to sit beside him "thanks."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

when Jensen had tripped over her medical supplies for the fifth time Grey had given up on trying to organize. 

she was a neat person....usually. 

she was an organizer....usually.

she was normally the best medic around...when she didn't have Katie's head in her lap as they watched yet another season of Camp Camp.

sometimes, being disorganized was just fine too. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sister grinned as she wrapped one arm around Sheila and one arm around Caboose. 

Caboose seemed to like the new, slightly more foreign roommate. 

"so.....is she staying forever, sister?"

"ask her yourself, Teddy."

"are you staying forever Sheila?"

the other female ran a hand through her rainbow dyed hair "meh. who knows."

Sister chuckled and kissed her

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarge grinned as he watched the Blood Gulch and Freelancer members pile into the bar (minus the new parents)

the fights always seemed to minimise when they were there. 

he liked the new bouncer. 

he liked the new barhand- Doc- or whatever his name was, Donut's husband. 

he liked how everything was becoming okay. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it was a night when both the twins were asleep that she tried it. 

focussing all of her energy, Carolina Church gripped the shoulders of James York and shut her eyes, the silver light that flowed from her palms slowly turning to an inky black.

York had never seen her use her necromancy like this before, the feelings of spiders crawling underneath his flesh and the strange heaviness that filled him from his feet upwards like cement, giving him a searing headache when it reached above his neck. 

when he woke up the next morning, he didn't really feel different, but there was a slight heaviness that hadn't been there before, and a slight definition to things that had never had it. 

his eye was the same, admittedly, but the next week, he noticed with fondness that the usual silver outline that his spell was getting weaker... was gone. 

it was at least a month before he confirmed it and grinned at Carolina when he handed her a cup of tea the next evening. 

"you did it."

"what, exactly, did i do?"

he gripped her hands in his, his eyes boring into hers "you made me human."

and it was enough.  

  


  


  



End file.
